baby

Dear Kim Kardashian: I have a bone to pick with your baby's nickname.

When Kim Kardashian announced her third child’s name is Chicago, I must admit, I breathed a sigh of relief.

Chicago is a bit on the quirky side, sure, but it’s not like the reality star went totally rogue and named her baby Potato, or Sticky Tape or Wild.

It’s not another direction, so that’s surely a green tick. As far as Kardashian baby names go Chicago is not horrible at all. It’s certainly better than other baby names we’ve been gifted with recently (oh yes I’m talking about you little Golden Cannon, Royal Reign and River Rocket, I hope you’re plotting bite-sized revenge on your famous parents right now).

North, Saint, and Chicago. Alrighty then, I’m sure that with lots of mindfulness meditation I can come to terms with reading those names every time I open the celebrity section for the next 50 years.

So Chicago I’m fine with.

What confuses me is little Chicago’s nickname – the name the family says she will be referred to practically 100 per cent of the time.

The baby, they say, will mostly always be called Chi.

But not Chi as in ‘Chee’, or Chi as in ‘She’, which is what you would expect from a nickname deriving from ‘Chicago’. No, no, no you buffoons. Kimye want us to refer to their offspring as Chi as in ‘Shy’.

Chicago… as in Chi… as in… Shy.

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Kimye would like ‘Shy’ to be an abbreviated nickname for ‘Chicago’ and I just need to point out that isn’t a thing. Unless I’ve been pronouncing Chicago the wrong way my entire life, which Google Translate informs me that I have not.

Kim, if you want us to call the kid Shy all the time, why didn’t you just call her Shy? Or to keep it trendy and hip I can suggest Shi, Shye, Shhi, Shyiei, Sh1, or $hi3?

But you didn’t. You named her Chicago. And now the poor thing is facing a life of “Uh no, actually, it’s pronounced ‘Shy'” whenever she wears a name tag saying CHI (which is relatively few times across your lifespan but I’m still mildly peeved and potentially hormonal so I’m going to complain about it).

And don’t even come back at me and say “SHE MEANS SHY AS IN SHY-TOWN” because no, she named the baby Chicago. And it’s not Shy-cago. It’s Chicago.

You might be reading this and asking “What’s it to you, weirdo?” and you’d be right – this affects me an absurdly small amount. Kinda like when the nightly news rolls into the “and here’s what’s happening in the Stock Market” segment – my life is not impacted by this in any way, shape, or form.

And yet… ‘Shy’ is not a nickname for Chicago.

And you’d be wrong, sir, if you think I’m about to let that go.

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