by KERRI SACKVILLE
I love my sleep. For someone who has so many reasons for being awake – three gorgeous kids, a loving husband, an exciting career – I really do adore being unconscious. And yet, despite my love of sleep, I have had sleeping problems for as long as I can remember.
Once asleep I tended to stay asleep, but it was getting to sleep that was the challenge. It didn’t matter how exhausted I was; once I got into bed my brain would shift into gear and I’d be unable to switch it off. I’d feel my heart begin to pound violently within me as adrenaline surged through my veins. And although I did my best to push the thought from my consciousness, it would flash inside my head like a mocking neon sign: You are not sleeping, Kerri. You are never going to sleep.
The sign tormented me, night after night. It tortured me because it was right: I wasn’t going to sleep. And I longed to sleep more than anything in the world.
There is very little worse than lying in bed at night craving sleep, yet finding sleep out of your grasp. It creates a type of desperation that is unparalleled in the daytime hours. In the quest for sleep, unlike nearly any other endeavour, you cannot work, you cannot push to make it happen. The harder you fight to become unconscious, the more elusive unconsciousness becomes.