by KERRI SACKVILLE
I love my sleep. For someone who has so many reasons for being awake – three gorgeous kids, a loving husband, an exciting career – I really do adore being unconscious. And yet, despite my love of sleep, I have had sleeping problems for as long as I can remember.
Once asleep I tended to stay asleep, but it was getting to sleep that was the challenge. It didn’t matter how exhausted I was; once I got into bed my brain would shift into gear and I’d be unable to switch it off. I’d feel my heart begin to pound violently within me as adrenaline surged through my veins. And although I did my best to push the thought from my consciousness, it would flash inside my head like a mocking neon sign: You are not sleeping, Kerri. You are never going to sleep.
The sign tormented me, night after night. It tortured me because it was right: I wasn’t going to sleep. And I longed to sleep more than anything in the world.
There is very little worse than lying in bed at night craving sleep, yet finding sleep out of your grasp. It creates a type of desperation that is unparalleled in the daytime hours. In the quest for sleep, unlike nearly any other endeavour, you cannot work, you cannot push to make it happen. The harder you fight to become unconscious, the more elusive unconsciousness becomes.
Top Comments
Ah! Its 6:22 AM and I have been up the WHOLE night!! arghh. I have had sleep issues my whole life (now in my early twenties) and I also have severe anxiety! Right now anxiety is very bad so the insomnia is terrible! Feeling so frustrated as just wanna sleep but I had a panic attack around 11pm and 7 hours later still cannot sleep! :(
When I was a teenager I had an elaborate bedtime routine of winding down, sleepytime tea, peaceful music etc and then was always up early for school and really busy so that seemed to work. Since finishing school insomnia has been a massive problem! Going to try cutting out all sugar, tea and lots of exercise this week! But yeah the anxiety!! :S
Oh my! That was/is me! I could have written that word for word. bloody kids!! I used to sleep anywhere and everywhere before they came around. my first one was such a bad sleeper for 3 years that it had the knock on effect of making me a terrible sleeper too. When he started sleeping well I'd lie awake all night worried that I wasn't sleeping and he'd wake up!
One of the only things that worked for me was making sure that I couldn't see the alarm clock. I would obsess about the time and stare at the clock thinking "I'm still awake and I should be sleeping and the baby is going to get up in 2 hours", so I put a big pot of paw paw ointment in front of the clock and somehow this helped as I couldn't obsessively check the time anymore and I knew if I moved the pot it would wake me up more. Whatever works is my philosophy to life!