Welcome to Douche Canoe, Spirit Animal and Whinger of the Week – Mamamia’s brand new weekly post.
Not quite sure if we need to explain, but let’s do it anyway just for kicks:
Each week, we will pick the biggest Douche Canoe, Spirit Animal and Whinger from the last seven days. What’s a Douche Canoe? Someone who has pretty much been the worst/done something crappy/just generally been a wanker. What’s a Spirit Animal? Someone who has won the week by being awesome. What’s a whinger? Well, pretty much just someone who has had a major sooky-la-la moment.
So without further ado, let’s get this thing started.
Douche Canoe of the week goes to…
For having his minders (you know – the guys who carry him around when his little legs get tired) block off an entire suburban street with their cars so Justin could live out his Fast and Furious fantasies by DRAG RACING his Lamborghini. Oh, and he was off his face. Oh, and he didn’t have a licence. Oh, and he went on a expletive-filled rant when he was taken into custody. Oh, and then he smiled in the mugshot just to be a TWAT.
What is with his bizarro ‘thug-life’ aspirations? It’s like he was proud to get arrested. Stay tuned for the tear-drop tattoo that will appear under his eye after spending eight hours in prison.
Thankfully Twitter reacted in the appropriate fashion:
Who amongst us hasn’t drag-raced a Lambo in Miami on pills? #FreeBieber
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) January 23, 2014
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) January 23, 2014