Thought I’d buy a lipstick last weekend. You know, add a bit of colour to the mid-winter slump. Channel a bit of Jolie. It didn’t seem like a biggie at the time.
But Oh. My. God. It was. This was the purchase that stopped the office, that caused a teenager to laugh RIGHT IN MY FACE and had my friends talking behind my back.
Because this is my first lippy. Ever. Oh, for gods sake, stop gawking. I can’t be the only woman who’s bypassed lipstick for more than three whole decades. Riddle me this: what is actually wrong with paw paw cream? Actually?
Look, I don’t really know how it happened. One minute, I was at the Mac counter buying foundation, the next I was perched in front the mirror with a very nice girl painting me up like the love child of Marilyn Manson and The Joker. I finally settled on Midmauve (Lustre), aka A65, which I think you’ll agree is lovely and neutral and a perfect first lipstick for someone who’s never worn lipstick.
This is what happened next.
I was called a freak.
My fault. Mia was waving a new lippy around - something, you know, super-understated in hot pink, and I casually mentioned I'd just bought my first lipstick. Fifteen heads snapped around to look at me so fast at least four of them must have vertebrae damage.
"In your life??? How are you EVEN A GIRL?!" (Post continues after gallery.)