How’s your job satisfaction? How thrilled were you to wake up at 6 last Monday to make it to the office by 8?
How about waking up on palace grounds to the gentle padding of free-range corgis and men who say: “how do you do?” without being a mad creep.
The British Royal Family are hiring and they’re looking at you (and thousands of other applicants).
The advertised jobs are almost too good to be true. Just keep in mind that the British pound to Australian dollar rate has taken a big dive thanks to Brexit. Nonetheless, the royal paycheck will do you well within the UK.
We’ve listed our favourites below.
Curatorial Intern
Salary: £16,087 per annum
Description: Can you curate with the best of them? Do you strut through Ikea and say “yay” or “nay” to dog posters near the plant section?
“Our Prints and Drawings team are responsible for an unparalleled collection of over 150,000 drawings, watercolours and prints, dating from 1450 to the present day.”
Well, last week I used MS Paint to make Kim Kardashian look like she was eating McDonald so I’m pretty much a shoo-in.
Linen Keeper
Salary: £17,778 per annum
Description: You’ll provide linen for a range of functions and events, oversee a small team of staff and have the term “keeper” in your job title without joining the Sydney Swifts.
“Much of the linen is historic and irreplaceable, and so you’ll repair and conserve these unique items to ensure they are available for use by future generations.”
Well, once I worked at Bed Bath N Table so I do know how to fold a fitted sheet and look busy while achieving nothing. On second thought, I might be overqualified.
Unfortunately for you @FLOTUS and @POTUS I wasn’t alone when you sent me that video ???? – H.https://t.co/sjfSQvkzb6 — Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) April 29, 2016
Kitchen Porter
Salary: £16,755.56 per annum
Description: It says you’ll be “maintaining the wash-up environment” which sounds like the biggest euphemism for dish pig I’ve ever heard.
It says the role may require you to step out of the palace and travel to another ‘Royal residence’.
Unless that ‘Royal residence’ is me, Prince Harry and forty corgis, I’m not interested.
Cataloguer
Salary: £20,000 per annum
Description: You’ll be cataloging the royal library to enhance its records for both the internal and external residents.
Babe, say no more
I will alternate slipping 50 Shades of Grey and raunchy Bachelor fanfiction into every copy of “A Brief History of Time” I can find.
You’re welcome.
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Daily Cleaner
Salary: Unknown.
This is a very unusual listing. Not only is there no salary but the job ad also says that no experience is necessary either.
“Housekeeping or cleaning experience would be an asset, but is by no means essential.”
So you might be part of a clean-up crew or you might be recruited as a real-like James Bond. Who can tell?
No, really.
Who?