lifestyle

"Check out the amazing necklace my boobs made today..."

Breastfeeding is not as glamorous as this. Trust us

By AMY STOCKWELL

In the first week after the birth of her daughter, my friend and I were sitting on the couch.

My mate was breastfeeding and we were watching Law and Order SVU. We had watched a lot of SVU in the lead up to the birth so we were confident that our rendition of the theme song (Boom, boom! Do-do-do-do-doooo-dooo!) would be comforting to baby. Also, our verbal saxaphone solo is amazing.

In an effort to check whether any milk was coming out, my friend paused her feeding and gave her nipple a gentle squeeze. A thin but powerful stream of milk shot out on an acute angle and hosed the entire left side of my face. My buddy’s boob juice poured down my cheek, rolling off my chin and pooled in the collar of my tshirt. I turned to her, dripping like a wet sheep and looked into her horrified eyes. It’s fair to say that there was probably enough milk coming out.

Now, two years on, I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to commemorate this special time in our friendship.

If only someone had invented a way to turn breast milk into jewellery so that I could wear it around my neck every day as a reminder of that time when another woman’s breast milk dribbled all over it…

Well, I’m in luck because a woman from Rhode Island in the US is now making breast milk jewellery. Just post two tablespoons of your (or in my case, someone else’s) leche to her (from anywhere in the world) and she’ll turn it into a pearl-like bead that can be popped into pendants or rings.

We applaud her entrepreneurship and are left wondering, what other bodily fluids could she turn into jewels? Some booger bling, perhaps?

Look through this gallery of breastmilk jewellery, and ask yourself, Why didn’t I think of that?

 

00:00 / ???