'Stop dating sh*t people.' The 3 things Jessie Stephens would tell her younger self.

Each month, we ask some of our favourite Australian women about the three things they would tell their younger selves. Sometimes they want to tell their younger selves about work, sometimes it's about family, sometimes it's about love - and sometimes, like for Mamamia Out Loud co-host and executive editor Jessie Stephens, it's about, well, being a bit of an idiot.

Here are three things Jessie Stephens would tell her younger self: 

1. Your happiness will not be indexed on achievement.

If you think that happiness sits on the other side of achievement, then you will be bitterly disappointed. My younger self thought that external success and accolades were a shortcut to happiness. This is very hard to explain, but I would be in awe of these people who I saw thriving in their careers, or writing books, or receiving some sort of acclaim, and I'd think "how good must that feel!"

While achieving a career goal is better than a punch in the face, it won't give you the satisfaction and "peace" you're looking for. People enjoying your work is wonderful, but you don't have access to the joy your work brings them.

MMOL co-hosts Jessie, Holly, and Mia in their version of the Charlie's Angels pose. Image: Instagram.

The best part is the doing the work. The creating of something. The taking a risk and not knowing if it will work. And the outcome sort of isn't the point.

I'd tell myself that achievement doesn't deliver self-esteem like you think it might. The thing you'll be proudest of in the long run is hard work and giving 100 per cent to something. The people who love you don't actually care if you succeed or fail and that’s the greatest gift.

2. Stop dating your type.

I spent too many years in a cycle of terrible relationships. Some of it was down to bad luck. Some of it was because my gut was lying to me. I kept ending up with the same sort of person because it felt safe and familiar. But that person was a terrible partner who was emotionally unavailable and left me feeling awful about myself.

The best decision I ever made was to date someone who wasn't my type. He didn't take my breath away when we met. There were no butterflies to begin with. It has been the greatest gift to fall in love with someone more every day, even now six or so years on.

Related to this - write a list of what you want. I wish I'd done this earlier. My younger self was dating people I was attracted to, but who didn’t fulfill any qualities I actually desired. Once I wrote that list I had clarity and stopped dating sh*t people, haha.

Image: supplied. 

3. You're an idiot.

I'm not sure if this is helpful, but it's true.

You are just so... dumb. And naïve. And black and white in your thinking. And everything you think you know for sure will be challenged. I know this is a feature of youth but I wish I listened more and spoke less.

Every issue, every debate, how people vote, is so much more complicated than it looks upon first glance. There are probably a lot of positions I regret taking 10 years ago. But there's some humility in knowing I'll feel the same in 10 years from now.

Feature image: supplied.