Jennifer Lawrence already has a real-life, normal-person best friend. Her name is Laura Simpson, and she’s just written the most amazing essay about what it was like to be J-Law’s date at the Oscars.
She posted it on MySpace (Who has a MySpace these days? One person: This girl) and everyone’s gone mad because she’s living out all our dreams of being J-Law’s bestie.
Throughout the night, Laura stepped on Jennifer Garner’s dress, got smashed with J-Law’s dad at the bar, winked at Bill Murray, and makes buddies with Margot Robbie. In short, she’s the perfect best friend for our beloved Jennifer Lawrence.
Here’s the whole thing – it’s so good.
The world watched as my date grabbed my neck while falling on the red carpet. But backstage that night, I had a blast feeding Kerry Washington and sniffing Brad Pitt.
This year, I was lucky enough to be invited to the Oscars. While every girl I knew squealed and asked what I was wearing I was riddled with anxiety. The day before the Oscars I had a fitting with Dior where I got to try on some beautiful dresses. I was between two dresses: the Carrie Bradshaw all-you-can-eat dress and the Angelina Jolie sexy leg kimono. I really wasn’t sure if I would ever get back to the Oscars so I let my inner Carrie Bradshaw take over and went with the dress with eight pounds of tullle.
The fact that I was going to the show was no longer an idea but becoming a reality and like a 13-year-old girl at her birthday party, I had a complete meltdown. Somehow the night before the Oscars I managed to get into an argument with my best friend, my mom and my boyfriend. I think I cried more in the 12 hours before the Oscars than I have in 10 years—I was really getting into the drama of the evening.
I somehow managed to make an entire event having nothing to do with me all about me and my precious feelings. I really should have been an actress. But like Scarlett O’Hara I got my hair and makeup done, put on my ball gown and wasn’t going to let anyone bring me down before MY big day.
How did I get invited to the 86th Academy Awards, you ask? Well, my best friend took me as her date. I met her seven years ago at an event where we both didn’t know a single person. We hit it off over a mutual respect for Chandler Bing, and we’ve been eating pizza together ever since. I think the most interesting thing that they don’t show anyone on TV is the street leading up to the Oscars. Highland (between Sunset and Hollywood) is filled with barricades with different entry points so no crazy person can plow their car through, killing everyone on the red carpet. Guarding each entry point through the barricades are men in head to toe camouflage with gigantic automatic weapons (rifles? I don’t know guns).
I try to take a photo of one and I’m stopped immediately. Completely lining the sidewalks of Highland are the Jesus freaks. I am not talking a few—I am talking every inch of the sidewalk is full of God-fearing picket signs and psalms. Some have megaphones and are yelling inaudible sermons and others just shouting at the line of black cars. Right before you get to the red carpet, you get to Westboro Baptists with huge yellow signs of pictures of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Walker saying “BURNING IN HELL” and other despicable things.