The day I told my boss I was pregnant was a strange one. I’d landed my dream job as editor of Cosmo magazine just three months earlier and my feet were barely under the desk when I weed on the stick and saw two lines.
Blink. Blink blink.
Two lines. OK. Right. This is happening. Now. Shit.
It took some time to process. How could something so enormous as having an entire baby with all the seismic aftershocks that would reverberate through my life be reduced to some wee on a stick?
I didn’t tell my boss until the 12 week mark and by then, I’d had some time to work out my approach to the upcoming collision of work and a baby. It was this: ignore it. Not the pregnancy, I was down with that and quite enjoyed it actually but I saw no reason why it would affect any other aspect of my life or personality. Motherhood wouldn’t change my career path, I’d simply do both. Business as usual.
Some may describe this as denial but it wasn’t. To deny something you have to know what it is and before you have your first child, you have no clue what’s ahead. It’s a heady mix of naivity and foolhardy optimism.
Your first pregnancy is when women and men make confident assertions like this:
“I think a baby should fit in with your life not the other way around”
“We’re not going to become like those baby-obsessed couples who can’t talk about anything else”
“We’re going to just put the baby in a sling and travel. How hard can it be?”
Top Comments
All the best to you jamila, only you know what is best for you and your family. From a distance you seem to have your head screwed on and I wish you good luck. It is a busy world out there a world where everyone has their own agenda. You won't get your time back so just follow your gut and live your best life you are a great role model and the most important role model your child will have. Good luck and remember what our female Governor General said women can do everything just not all at once ! Take it or leave it it is your life to live. This comes from a twin mother who is married to a farmer and somehow manages to drive an hour to work just once a week to try and keep her qualifications in a health service job. That is my choice and I happily follow a very traditional female role the other days because my very busy husband gives our girls his time the day I work! Of course I pack the lunch and we eat take away that night but that works for us and is our choice!
What a lovely, thoughtful and kind sentiment you shared :) I am about the same age and have a young baby just like Jamila and it's nice to know there are people out there with such encouraging words!
Thanks Mia for this awesome article. I didn't realise my feelings about career ambition until I was forced back to full time work this year while my daughter was 18 months old. There are days where I can fight like the toughest person I know in the workplace, and other days I couldn't care less and would happily quit, walk away, go home and work far less to be more with her. The lean in and out is a phrase I really like, I've tried finding 'balance' and I just cant, I also beat myself up about it, I always find myself saying constantly at home "how to other women do this? I can't work 50hrs per week, its too hard, I have do the same workload in less time, HOW?!?!" The weeks I work long hours, I notice my little one is more clingy, emotional and unsettled, and the weeks I get the hours down to 35, she is settled, happy and content. Its clear, but why can't out employers see this?
Its really time for a change of conditions for working parents. If there is no change, we will start to see a decline in working parents and a loss of amazing talent in the workplace.
This thing I don't get is why ANYONE is expected to work 50 hours a week these days! Isn't that what labour day was all about, we should ALL be able to work a 38 hr week and not any more than that (unless we choose to, say, own business, personal goals.)
It's just really unfair, I think the pendulum has swung too far in the wrong direction and family is suffering all over :(
I leaned back a lot when my little one came along, now I'm working for myself setting my own terms, as I was previously in an industry in which 50hr plus weeks were the norm. Not for me :(
I do agree. The hours some people are expected to work are completely ridiculous and some employers must be taking the piss out of their staff, who they know will do anything to keep their jobs.
I have friends whose kids are in before care from 7am and after care until 6pm and they still argue about who will leave work to do pickup. Seriously they have both just worked 10 hours days isnt that enough????