entertainment

Kate Middleton is pregnant again, says idiot friend of hers.

Don’t you just hate it when you’re a duchess and this really old friend of yours tells a gossip magazine that you’re pregnant because your face has been looking “fuller” recently?

No? Haven’t had that experience?

Just Kate Middleton then.

The Duchess of Style once knew a girl called Jessica Hay. They’re probably not even friends on Facebook, but Jessica took it upon herself to break Kate Middleton’s baby news to the world… even though it’s likely she just completely made it up.

“Kate’s inner circle are buzzing with the news that she is pregnant,” she told New Idea magazine “excitedly”.

Shame Jess isn’t a part of that inner circle anymore. The royal family’s People Who Respond To Rumours Department issued a statement saying Kate and Jess haven’t spoken in a long time, so she really wouldn’t know what’s going on in the royal uterus right now.

Don’t get us wrong – it’s absolutely possible Kate is pregnant again. If it is true, we’ll stop everything we’re doing right now to knit that royal babe a sweater that says “Think I’m Royal? You shouldn’t see my grandma.”

But for the time being, this is just as ridiculous as saying Jen Anniston is pregnant every time she has a big breakfast. i.e. Weird and arbitrary. 

Prince “Munchkin Cheeks” George will turn 1 whole year old next week. It would certainly be sweet if he got a card that says “You’re getting a brother!” or “We’re making you a sister!” It would also mean that Kate and Wills conceived Baby #2 while they were touring Australia.

Yeah that’s right, we did some maths and worked that shit out.

But before we all get to making life-size baby-shaped cupcakes to celebrate, we really would like to hear this pregnancy news confirmed in any way by the royals. A telegram directly from Prince George’s People Who Confirm Royal News Department will suffice.

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