Is it ever okay to look at your partner’s phone?
Kyle Sandilands checked his girlfriend’s phone while she was asleep.
He didn’t find much. In fact, nothing at all. And in typical female-fashion, she was watching him through not-so-closed-eyes.
Sandilands admitted to the betrayal on KIIS FM this morning as he and his co-host Jackie O debated whether couples should have an Open Phone Policy.
An Open Phone Policy is defined as an agreement where no phone is off limits. Passcodes, messages, photos – no secrets.
The question is, does this just create bigger trust issues?
My husband and I don’t have an Open Phone Policy. And I like it that way. We have an Open-Not-Open Phone Policy. There’s a boundary. We might flick through each other’s photos, answer a phone call for one another, but it’s certainly not a ‘what’s mine is your’s’ set up.
His space is his space. My space is mine.
“Hmm,” you say, “but what if I want to keep tabs on whether he’s cheating on me?”
There’s a difference between being nosey and being genuinely concerned that there are some big problems in your relationship.
Jamie Oliver‘s wife, Jools, admits she checks her husbands email accounts and text messages to make sure he’s not being unfaithful. She says, “Yeah, I’ll check his email. I’ll check his Twitter. I’ll check his phone. Everything seems fine … He says I’m a jealous girl, but I think I’m fairly laid-back, considering”.
Opening up your phone is like opening up your life. That tiny piece of technology is your space. The place you go to have private conversations with friends, Google your fears and dedicate to Apps you love. It’s your world. If you hand that over to someone, what’s left?
Having an Open Phone Policy is the same as saying to a couple in the 90’s – “hey, your partner is going to tap into all your phone conversations and read your mail.”
That said, there are of course, some exceptions to the rule.
– The one-off mini-squizz you had when you first started dating … there was no trust established and you haven’t done it since. You wince just remembering the moment.
– If you’re planning a surprise birthday party and you genuinely need some details.
But – that’s about it.
For some an Open Phone Policy works. It keeps couples feeling that dishonesty is less likely to be an issue. But it’s not the answer to solving the main problem, and that’s trust.
Do you check your partners phone? Does it keep you both happy? What do you think of the Open Phone Policy?