friendship

Why the man I married is not the man of my dreams.

Avi was one of those women who make lists about what her perfect man would be like. Big. Mistake.

Before I got married, I spent many, many years single. So much so, that my mother would start to give me dating advice and/or lie to her friends about my relationship status.

I did make a lot of mistakes along the way – some which I learned from quicker than others. Finally, I  found someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Or so I thought.

Let me explain:

On a particularly low note during my singledom, I heard that if you want something to happen in your life, you need to write it down.

The Notebook: Even they had differences

While I am not a believer in hocus-pocus, I had previously written down goals for work, and they came true. For this to work, you can’t just write down “married with 2.3 kids and a white picket fence”. You needed to be specific about who you wanted to marry. And that way you could compare any future dates to your list and eliminate them before wasting too much of your valuable time.

So I did it. I wrote a list.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot about the list and only discovered it after saying “I do” to my husband.

Turns out, I should never have gone on the second date with the man I married.

Let's just say, he didn’t score 100% on my list of husband criteria. Let's look at some of my requirements:

#15. He must be a little older than me.

This was my deal-breaker. I was firmly opposed to even thinking a younger guy was attractive. And every time I would meet a potential guy, I would somehow sneak in a birthday question faking interest in his star sign and Chinese horoscope (where you need the year too) to calculate how old he was.

My husband is the first person I never asked about his birthday. And by the time I did, I was already hooked. And yes, he's younger.

#6. He is athletic.

Now, while my husband assures me that when he was in high school he was the most sporty, active jock, now his "playing sport" is watching footy and basketball on the TV.

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If we didn’t have dogs to walk, he is happy to admit that he probably wouldn’t get any exercise in.

#14. He likes to take the lead.

This one is a “sometimes” one. He sometimes likes to take the lead. Likes to plan holidays, look into details of our renovation, get our tax return sorted or look at ways we can invest our savings. Other times, he likes to take the back seat and mention that we should do something without doing something. And have me take the lead.

So I will give him half points for this one.

#8. He likes to try new things.

It isn’t that he isn’t open to new things. But my man would prefer regular chips to trying sweet potato chips. He thinks travelling to a destination he has been to before is replacing old memories with new ones (but he does like to visit new places too).

Now, I will let you know that my list has 17 points (17!). And my husband scores around 76%. Technically a good score at any educational facility, but a fail at meeting the elusive “The One”.

This is what I hope for.

But let me tell you some of the criteria he does meet on my lengthy list.

#3. We have fun together and make each other happy.

#4. He challenges me and I challenge him.

#7. He understands me and is there for me when I need him.

#9. He is crazy about me.

#10. He is ambitious and has goals.

#11. He is smart.

#12. He is a good hugger.

Now this isn’t all of them, I don’t want to bore you. But, these ones matter more than the ones he doesn’t meet. Sure, there are times we argue (like when he challenges me by stacking the dishwasher wrong and I challenge his patience by caring how he stacks the dishwasher). And there are times when we aren’t the biggest fans of each other.

But there are also times when I am (figuratively) falling down a dark hole and he is there to catch me. He does ridiculously stupid things to make me happy and give me everything my heart desires – like dressing as a fairy to my 30th birthday fairy-themed party with no complaint. Glitter wings and all. And he constantly strives to get ahead in his career in the hope to make my life easier (even though I tell him it is unnecessary).

And here's the thing. I would take my 76% over a all-decisions-are-made-by-me, gym-junkie, kale eating old fart (wait, I think I just described myself) any day of the week. 76% is better than perfect.

Did you have a “list”? How close does your partner come to your idea of "perfect"?