rogue

'What happened when I came home to find an Instagram influencer in our family pool…taking photos.'

When Instagram was created in 2010, its purpose of sharing photos was ostensibly harmless. But nearly 10 years later, I have just one question for the creators – what the hell have you done?

Unlike Instagram’s social media siblings Twitter and Facebook, this app has created actual jobs for its users, with little rules to guide them.

And at what point has the world of influencing gone too far? When I come home to find a random girl in my family pool, I tell you.

I came home from work, circa 2pm, in the midst of a heatwave. I was sweaty, in a bad mood, and desperate for a dip in the pool. Swimmers on, I walked down the steps to my family pool when I spotted a…human??

Oh. There was a girl tanning on the perimeter of the pool, which was annoying because I really had hoped to go for a swim without the company of a random.

Not typically a confrontational person, I decided to shy away from asking this person, “hi who are you and why are you here“, and instead went back inside to read my book.

I texted my brother asking who this person was, assuming he was entirely responsible.

But his reply read: “Not sure, I’ll be home in 30.”

Riiigghhht. 

For the next half hour I felt weirdly claustrophobic in my room. When my brother came home he informed me that the girl in our pool – let’s call her Kate – is a girl he “kind of” knows, who was taking photos because she is an influencer. I see.

Turns out my brother’s friend, who had been staying with us for a couple of days, was with her at the beginning but then left to go to work and she…stayed. To do a self-timer photoshoot.

My brother said Kate had gone home now. I decided to have a stalk of her social media.

On her Instagram profile, her latest upload was a very generic photo of her in a bikini on a flamingo in the pool.

I noticed my brother had commented, “I consider this breaking and entering”, which gave me small sense of satisfaction.

And then I saw the caption and HEY what happened to my flamingo?????

Instagram influencer
But...what happened to my flamingo??
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An experienced stalker, I then noticed a pink circle surrounding her display picture - she had an Insta story. Click.

Oh. She had treated herself to a rosé in the pool - in one of my parents' wine glasses. Coooooool.

Instagram influencer
Not cool.

I walked down the steps and saw the flamingo I had been gifted for Christmas approximately four weeks earlier had indeed deflated and been shoved to the side of the pool. Whoever said influencing is a benign job is clearly not aware of the harm these people are capable of.

Both my flamingo and sense of privacy are now dead.

I spoke to my brother about it.

"There has to be rules when mum and dad are away. Randoms can't just come and go as they plea....Oh my gosh. SHE DIDN'T EVEN DRINK THE WINE???"

This influencer had opened a bottle of rosé and poured herself a glass ONLY to take a photo, which I guess I will now have to clean up. Thanks Kate.

If influencing is the art of deception then Instagram is a gallery. And it is evident that the limit literally does not exist when it comes to just how far these people will go to get their likes.

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