Needles are the new lipstick. Yes, while you were sleeping, female standards of beauty have once again shifted beneath your feet. Or rather, your face. Somehow in the past few years, injectibles have become as common as cosmetics and it’s messing with my mind. Possibly yours too, even if you don’t realise it.
It’s not just Botox. Paralysing facial muscles with botulism is no longer enough. Now you must also inject fat “fillers” into lines, wrinkles and any bastard area on your face that dares lose its youthful plumpness. Even if you’re only in your thirties. Or twenties.
For some women, fat reconfiguration is virtually a fulltime job. If they’re not trying to strip it off their body, they’re sticking it into their face.
But here’s the worrying bit: if so many women are getting regularly jabbed but so few admitting it, how can we trust what we see on the red carpet? Or in real life?
It’s fairly easy to spot a woman who colours her hair and it’s a rare one who denies it. Most of us trade details of our colourists as enthusiastically as our nannas traded recipes. “You MUST go see Roz,” we gush. “She’s brilliant with blondes.” Sharing is caring. And deception is redundant. Who CARES if I colour my hair?
But there’s a conspicuous cone of silence over Botox and fillers. The vast majority of women won’t admit to having their face injected. Not to their friends. Not to their partners. And certainly not when they’re famous.
In fact, most women, if asked directly, will not only fail to acknowledge the role of needles in their beauty routine, they’ll actively deny it.
So why have so many celebrities suddenly begun to confess? Not to fillers – not yet – but to Botox. Jennifer Aniston, Dannii Minogue, Sophie Monk, Nicole Kidman, Cindy Crawford and Courtney Cox are just some who recently admitted to having botox. Co-incidentally, most of them insist they’re not doing it any more. And remarkably, most swear they only “tried it once” and didn’t like it. Ahem. Once? A week?
Sorry, that was mean. But frankly, the lying is getting tired. We all have eyes and the signs of injectibles are becoming more recognisable as they become more ubiquitous and overdone. Stick whatever you like wherever you like it but please stop pretending you look that way because you drink lots of water. It’s insulting to the rest of us who try the water thing and find nothing changes except the amount of time we’re on the loo.
Of course, it’s not always water. Sometimes it’s “macrobiotic food” or “yoga” or my personal fave, “fresh air and laughter”. All fabulous but not an accurate description of your beauty routine if you’re also using injectibles.