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'I was dumped from my friend's bridal party for going up a dress size.'

As told to Ann DeGrey 

I first met Sarah in high school. She was much 'cooler' than me - I was always the shy brainy girl and pretty much a loner. But we bonded over our shared love of music — mostly heavy metal which most girls were not into. Over the years, we were inseparable and even ended up at the same university together. We helped each other through various heartaches, and I was very involved in her life when her mother was dying. I was happy to be there for her, as she was my best friend, my ride or die.

So when she asked me to be her matron of honour at her wedding, I was thrilled. Sarah was meticulous about every detail of the wedding. The playlist for the DJ, the floral arrangements — it all had to be perfect. She'd often call me late at night, stressed about the seating arrangements or the fit of her dress. I did my best to reassure her and tried to help wherever I could.

One day, about three months before the wedding, Sarah called me. "Hey, I hope you don't mind me mentioning this, but I noticed you've put on a bit of weight. I know you've had a lot going on with work, but I want you to feel your best on my big day."

I felt a lump form in my throat. Yes, I had gained some weight, but I had a lot on my plate with work and love life. I'd just gone through a dreadful divorce and I'd been doing a lot of comfort eating to cope with the stress. On top of that, I was dealing with thyroid problems. I managed to say, "Thanks, Sarah. I'll keep that in mind." But, inside, I was seething. What a horrible thing to say to your best friend! Then, things got worse. 

Watch: Things people at weddings never say. Post continues after video.

Video via Mamamia.

A few days later, I received an email from her. In the subject line, she had written, "Just a few tips!" The email was filled with links to various weight loss articles and diet plans. 

I felt like she'd completely disregarded how hard I was already working and all the stress I was under. I couldn't believe my best friend would send something like that to me.

I took a few days to calm down before replying. I wanted to handle it delicately because I knew Sarah was overwhelmed with wedding planning. My response was firm but polite. I wrote, "Sarah, I know you mean well, but your email really hurt my feelings. I've been going through a lot, and I'm doing my best to stay healthy. I hope you understand where I'm coming from."

Almost immediately, she replied. "I'm sorry you're going through that," she'd written. "It sounds like maybe you have too much on your plate to be matron of honour."

She'd framed it like she was trying to do me a favour but reading between the lines, I knew the truth. She didn't want me to be in her bridal party in the shape I was in.

I cried as I re-read her email. I tried to reach out to her a few more times, hoping to explain how her words had affected me and to salvage our friendship. I thought we were friends. The next time I heard from her, she had a new matron of honour and I'd received an invite to be a 'guest' at the wedding. I was no longer in the bridal party. 

I didn't go to the wedding. Instead, I stayed home, heartbroken and confused. Mutual friends told me later that she had replaced me with a cousin as her matron of honour. I unfollowed her on social media, as I didn't want to see the wedding photos.

It's been nearly three years since that happened, and we still haven't spoken. Part of me wishes I had handled things differently, that maybe I could have been more understanding of her stress. But another part of me feels like she showed her true colours in that moment.

I've learned that sometimes friendships change, and people grow apart. It's not always easy, and it still hurts when I think about her. But I also know that I deserve friends who lift me up and understand me, not those who make me feel small.

Feature Image: Canva.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons. 

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