Five years ago I was struggling with my sexuality. I was yet to have sex with a man. I’d come close a whole bunch of times, but never really had the guts to follow through. I’ve identified as bisexual since I was sixteen and although I was attracted to men, they frightened me. I knew how to touch a woman, how to love a woman but I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to be in a heterosexual relationship.
I’ve never been in love with a man. I’ve never even had a boyfriend and I’m turning 27 this year. But I knew that I wanted to experience what sex was like with a man. It was so foreign to me, how homosexuality might be for those who have sexual and emotional feelings for the same sex. Same-sex relationships was what I grew up with, was my normal, so I was exploring my heterosexuality, as bizarre as that may sound.
Uninterested in a drunken encounter with some stranger from a pub, I decided to use an escort agency. I didn’t want to have to explain the situation. I was shy and embarrassed that I hadn’t had sex at 22. As silly as it sounds, I felt I needed to have sex to grow up, to let go of this unknown yearning inside me that I thought about day in, day out.
So I emailed the madam after searching Google for what was going to be my first encounter. I browsed through the list of men (most with a photograph blanking out their faces) and decided on a guy. As I explained my nerves and virginity to the madam she suggested I go with another man, closer to my age. I took her up on her suggestion and was booked in the following Saturday with Nino.
That Saturday came around like a flash of lightning. I was terrified with every minute our appointment grew closer. I got dolled up, withdrew the cash from the ATM and sat around my apartment in a state of panic. I turned the TV on, then turned it off. I turned the music on. I turned the music down. I turned the music off. I paced the room wondering what to expect and felt completely out of my depth.
Looking back, I think a lot of people don’t plan when they lose their virginity, or they don’t really know when it will happen. I knew for two weeks beforehand and I was a bundle of nerves. I was excited but wanted to vomit at the same time.
Listen: Mia Freedman interviews porn star and sex worker Madison Missina, about the difference between having sex with a man and having sex with a woman, in case you were wondering. Post continues after audio.
9pm on the dot, he buzzed my apartment. My stomach was churning and I was madly checking myself out in the mirror. Why would a sex worker care what I looked like? He was doing his job. Hello. But still I wanted to feel sexy; I wanted an experience that would change me. And it did.
Top Comments
I'm 24 y/o and I'm considering this as well. What escort agency did you use?
A great article, and yes we hear this many times from our clients. They are hesitant at first, but curiosity wins out after we listen to their concerns. Our successful escorts understand that there is so much more about offering a safe and nurturing experience than about sex.
Scottie
Sydney male escort agency
www.SydneyMalesToYou.com