When the clock struck midnight on December 31, 2017, Brisbane-based PR representative Kath Rose had just one New Year’s resolution: to respect the bathroom space she shared with her husband.
It seemed simple. It seemed… easy.
But it appears that Kath, just like those of us who promised to “exercise more” or “call mum once a week” (sorry, mum) let her New Year’s resolution fall by the wayside just 21 days into 2018.
And no one was more disappointed, or upset, than Kath’s husband, who decided he had no other option than to write, print out and tape a detailed account of her horrible bathroom habits to their mirror for her to find upon waking up on a morning last week.
"To my darling Rosie," begins the letter, which Kath shared on Facebook and, just four words in, sounds like it's about to be the most epically worded declaration of love in the history of literature.
"Babe can you remember 20 days ago, you said, 'Babe, I know my bathroom habits really piss you off, but I am going to change this year I promise!'
"Unfortunately, not much has changed. In fact, it's worse, to the point that I now suffer from Bathroom Surprise Anxiety."
Oh, that sounds... rather serious. Although WebMD had never diagnosed us specifically with that particular condition, we're pretty sure we also have that too.
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"I thought the idea of twin vanities... meant we got our own - you know, His and Hers. Why is it then, that my vanity basin has become a permanent storage container for your make up brushes, bottles, lipsticks and whatever other 'girl-magic' you practice."
Kath's husband then went on to include the most irksome washroom habits, which include - but are certainly not limited to - leaving the cap off the toothpaste tube after she's finished using it, sticking her "paws" into his very expensive, very manly hair products and using his stick of deodorant.
It seems Kath also has a habit of leaving wet bath towels on the floor, forgetting to flush after using the toilet and failing to empty the shared bathroom rubbish bin.
While many think that the kitchen is the space where couples tend to have the most disagreements - think, 'Whose turn is it to cook?', 'Who is going to wash the dishes?' and 'WHY THE BLOODY HELL can't you stack the dishwasher the exact and VERY PARTICULAR way I like it?' - any couple will tell you the bathroom is where the real action in any relationship takes place.
It's a place where there are seemingly no boundaries (hello, husband, who decides to sit on the throne while I'm taking a luxurious hot shower after a long day at work) and a lot of differences in opinions.
My parents, married for over 30 years, still argue over my mother's failure to pop the lid back on the toothpaste (for the record, she blames her inability to do so on the fact that she's a Sagittarius, which, really, makes no sense at all).
I continually walk into my bathroom to find that my husband has taken apart the toilet roll holder on the wall for no apparent reason other than the fact he needs... something to keep him occupied.
In Kath's defence, I will say that there is definitely an unspoken rule that when it comes to bathrooms, that women get at least 76 per cent more space than their male counterparts. They need somewhere to put all of their "girl magic", as Kath's husband so eloquently puts it.
We need oodles of drawers and ALL OF THE SPACE on the shelves for our pots and powders and gels and lotions and OH-MY-GOD-WHERE-CAN-I-FIT-THIS-NEW-FACE-MASK?!
But it's not all bad news for Kath and her husband: it seems the letter (and the very formal follow-up email he also sent) has actually inspired the Brisbane mum to change her ways.
"He made a really important point about bathroom politics and marriages and how it's important to be open about it and chat about how you share bathrooms," she told ABC Brisbane.
"It could really be a reflection of the marriage."
We wish the couple the best of luck with their future bathroom... arrangements. And if all else fails, may we just suggest buying Kath her own tube of toothpaste?
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