A father struggling to cope and “feeling angry” at his wife has logged on to a parenting forum to vent after she refused to terminate an unplanned pregnancy.
The father-of-three, known only by his screen name, Theseraphim, explained why he didn’t want a fourth child right now and asked for advice from fellow Mumsnet users.
Users didn’t hold back after reading the man’s tale, with responses, ranging from incredulous to outraged and critical to helpful.
LISTEN: How to budget for a baby in it’s first year. (Post continues…)
The man told users his children, aged nine, five and four, all had “some level of behavioural issue” and he worried about introducing a fourth child.
“(My) wife struggles with the basic running of the household and now with a fourth it will be too much for her.”Advertisement
“We had discussed this previously and I made it clear I did not want more until the routines and house were in good order.
“Well fate screwed that up and now she’s three-five weeks pregnant.”
He said his wife had “missed one dose” of birth control and “apparently that was enough to catch”.
“I immediately suggested termination but apparently she ‘just can’t bring herself to do it’.”
Anyone disturbed by father’s placing onus of birth control and running the household onto his wife, while taking no responsibility for his part in the situation is not alone.
“You could help her to get the house “in good order” and if you were so dead set on not having more kids then a vasectomy might’ve been an idea,” one Mumsnet user commented.
"If YOU don't fully share the parenting and routines of your joint children and joint household then YOU are being VERY selfish and unsupportive. Pull your finger out and try getting stuck in," wrote another.
The father said he didn't know how to get his wife to "see sense", listing the financial burden, his wife's previous illnesses and pregnancy and his own wishes as reasons she should seek an abortion.
"She doesn't seem to be able to rationally understand the huge commitment she is forcing on the whole family," he wrote.
"I suggested termination for now, we can always get pregnant again in a few years once everything is in order but she is so adamant."
Despite thinking his wife was making the "wrong choice" with "no real benefit", Theseraphim conceded that he would "step up" and care for his family.
"I don't even want to look at her right now let alone support her selfish decision (if it was later in the pregnancy i would understand but at this point it's just a yolk sac and a tiny ball of cells, no heartbeat etc)."
"I just don't know how to cope with this without feeling angry towards her, how am I supposed to love a child I didn't want, whose timing will ruin all of our plans for the future not to mention the extra stress it will add to our already difficult children."
He concluded by asking forum users "What can I do?"
And the people of Mumsnet were blunt, but fair, in their response, telling the father and husband exactly what they think he should do.
"Well firstly you can start by apologising to your wife, she didn't get pregnant on her own. You have no right to tell her to have an abortion," one wrote.
"Why didn't you have a vasectomy if you definitely didn't want more children? I know it's a shock but you need to support your wife, helping rather than criticising would be a good start," another commented.
"Your situation does sound difficult. However, your attitude clearly isn't helping matters. It sounds like your wife isn't coping and needs more support. Could you afford an au pair?" suggested another.
"In regards to the pregnancy, you will need to accept it. Full stop."
If this post is triggering for you, contact 1800 RESPECT or visit www.1800respect.org.au