beauty

"I've realised my most significant flaw and it's starting to get very expensive."

In hindsight, I should never have walked in there without a pre-game strategy. This much I now know.

Because when you have a backbone as weak – and crushable – as a packet full of potato crisps, you forget how costly your own meek, agreeable nature can be. Literally.

This week, when I decided that maybe I should get a facial on my day off because I have always been invested in my skin (??) and definitely have money to throw around (??), I realised my haemorrhaging bank account had very little to do with the bills coming in, and much more with my propensity to smile and swipe whenever someone suggests I definitely need a pet rabbit with three legs. Or, in short, whenever someone tries to sell me something I absolutely don’t need and I don’t have the strength to tell them I absolutely don’t need it.

Here’s how I came to this conclusion.

On Monday, I walked into the skincare place (not its actual, nor technical, name) to be greeted by a facialist who was quite lovely. I filled out a form about my skin (yes, it has a little redness, yes, I’d like it to be less dry) and walked on in to the room.

I had already made my first mistake, you see. I told her I had things I wanted to fix. She now had something to sell me.

I laid down, she inspected my skin. I was a little red, she said. And a bit dry, too? Clever lady. She read my form. She began suggesting ways to fix it. Gels. Creams. Serums.

She hadn’t even touched my face yet and I had lost.

Loser etc.

Because although I had gone in with the sole intention of relaxing for, say, an hour, I spent the proceeding 60 minutes working out how I was going to tell her I did not want to buy any of the products she was going to try and sell me at the end.

Maybe I could joke about being a poor uni student? Maybe I could tell her I owned all of the above? Maybe I could tell her I have an appointment and need to run straight there from my facial. Like, immediately.

Maybe I could have said all of the above, if I hadn't already revealed I worked full-time, hardly owned an item of skincare and that my afternoon consisted of, well, nothing.

ADVERTISEMENT

I love myself.

60 minutes of stressing, analysing and stupid hypotheticals later, I was back at the counter, oooooh-ing and aaaah-ing at all seven products she'd chosen for me to buy.

Yes I want them all! Yes I can afford it! Where have these products been all my life?! Naht.

Zoe Foster Blake's beauty advice for busy women. Post continues after audio.

Short of lighting a flare for the emergency crews to come and save me, there was little I could do. I could say no, of course, but just kidding I could never do that, why would I ever do that?

Before you shake your head and consider me totally hopeless - which I am, but you don't need to know that - I DID say no.

To five things......

......

....

..

I just accidentally walked out with two. A $49 mask I do not know how to use, and something else I can't even spell ($39).

I am not even angry at my lovely facialist because she's the nice one doing her job. And I am not even annoyed at you, nice reader, for judging from afar.

Because I know you've been there too. At the charity stall where they ask for a little bit extra. At Mecca where they suggest just a few more foundation brushes will change your life. At the counter of a retail store where they encourage you to buy a $2 water bottle, too. At the supermarket when the second packet of chips is half price after your purchase of the first.

We're all losers. Or winners, with a little less in our back accounts.

It's all about perspective... I guess...?

For more legitimate beauty news:

The award-winning podcast Mamamia Out Loud is doing their first live show. There will be laughs, disagreements and you can meet the hosts afterwards! We’re also donating $5 of every ticket price to Share The Dignity so grab your friends and come along to share the love and laughs, get your tickets here.

Light blue and pink butterfly illustration. You click, we help. Shooting star illustration.

Mamamia is funding 100 girls in school, every day.

So just by spending time with Mamamia, you’re helping educate girls, which is the best tool to lift them out of poverty.

Thanks for helping!

Light blue and pink butterfly illustration. Girl with pigtails sitting at desk writing in notebook. Row of four books.
Three hands holding books
00:00 / ???