real life

The 8 reasons marriages fail.

“When you look at the statistics, keeping a marriage alive can seem like a pretty hard task.”

When you look at the statistics, keeping a marriage alive can seem like a pretty hard task. Reports vary depending on several factors, such as the age at which you marry – however, the figures are generally discouraging – sitting anywhere between 30% and 60% of all marriages ending in divorce.

Just as an FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by the Victorian Responsible Gambling Foundation. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100 per cent authentic and written in their own words.

While there are hundreds of problems that can lead to a relationship break-up, the following are eight of the most common:

1. Lack of communication

There’s a distinct difference between talking and communicating. It can be far too easy to slip into a routine where you’re not really hearing what your partner is saying, or not conveying your deeper feelings. Think how often you see a couple out at dinner together, each of them looking at social media on their phones rather than interacting with one another.

2. Lack of affection and intimacy

So many factors can affect the romance in your relationship and of course, your sex life.

How many people do you know that answer the simple question of “how have you been?” with, “busy.”

Juggling work, family and a myriad of other things leads to exhaustion, which leads to a shift in priorities and so often affection and intimacy is neglected.

3. Financial problems

Money is the root of all evil. That’s how the saying goes isn’t it? The constant struggle to get on top of your bills, to keep up your mortgage payments or perhaps to enter the housing market. It’s an added stress that can quickly take its toll on a relationship.

Gambling can become a huge problem for a marriage.

4. Gambling

Of course, I’m not talking about getting dressed up for the odd day at the races or a flutter on the Melbourne Cup. Rather, it’s when gambling begins to draw your focus away from your family and from your marriage that issues can arise. Gambling has a significant impact on relationships in Australia, with about 1,600 gambling-related divorces each year. For every person who experiences problems with gambling, a further five to 10 people are affected.

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5. Boredom and cheating

After several years together, it can be difficult to keep things exciting. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day monotony and to wake up one day and wonder if this is the life you really wanted. This can lead to resentment or perhaps one of you turning to someone else.

6. Lack of commitment to the relationship

When a couple stops behaving as a team, when they’re not caring for one another or not invested in one another’s lives, then the disintegration of their relationship is almost certain.

7. Expectation versus reality

Once the honeymoon is over, it’s common for the ongoing relationship to lose some of its pre-wedding sparkle, and more so when major life changes take place. Once kids are in the picture, or when someone makes a big career change, the reality can often be considerably different from the initial expectation.

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8. Time management

If your work and home schedules are incompatible, it’s easy to become like passing ships in the night, never really spending quality time together, perhaps with one person taking on the burden of running the house-hold or one person carrying the weight of supporting the family financially.

The good news is that recognition of these risk factors is the first step to finding a solution, or preventing the problems from occurring in the first place. Here are a few ideas to take back control:

  • Get communicating again! Take the time to find out what’s really going on in your partner’s life – and to tell them about what’s going on in yours.  Ask meaningful questions. Have family dinner around the table with no phones, no television and no screens.
  • Find a way to reignite the spark. Communicate your needs to your partner and find out their needs – then strike a balance between the two. Remember how important a simple kiss can be, or to take a walk and just hold hands.
  • Share the financial burden. Don’t let one person carry the weight of dealing with all of the money issues. Work out a budget together and stick to it, or enlist help from a financial planner. Look for cheap ways to have fun, like a family picnic in the park instead of lunch at an expensive café.
  • Get the help you need. While gambling doesn’t necessarily start out as an issue, for some it can change and grow into a problem without that person even realising it. It can affect people from all walks of life and in different ways. Only one in 10 people with gambling problems reach out for help and often those that do seek formal help are already at crisis point. But getting help is easy. Both over the phone and face to face counselling is available, as well as financial counselling, peer support, online help and self-help tools.
  • Take a step back and reassess your relationship and the lives you’re leading. Are you happy? Is your partner happy? Are you doing things a certain way simply because that’s what you’ve always done? Is there a way you can mix things up a bit?
  • Open yourself up to your partner’s perspective, and ask your partner to do the same. Take a moment to remember why it was that the two of you fell in love in the first place, and why you care for one another.
  • Keep it realistic. If things aren’t as you thought they would be, look back and consider whether or not your initial expectations were fair.
  • While work and family commitments can mean it might not be possible to make a change in your schedule, sometimes, just the smallest adjustment can make all the difference. Committing to some quality time together, whether it’s someone getting up earlier so the two of you can have breakfast together or an hour or two on the weekend that’s dedicated to family time.

Marriages are hard work. Even these celebrity marriages couldn’t be salvaged …

What do you do to keep you relationship or marriage strong?

 

If you or someone you care about is experiencing problems with gambling, there are many ways to get help. For free, confidential support call Gambler’s Help on 1800 858 858 or visit gamblershelp.com.au to find the support that’s right for you.

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