Em Rusciano has opened up about how she and her husband mended their marriage after going through their second separation in three years.
The 37-year-old Australian comedian and her husband Scott Barrow have co-written an emotional piece for News.com.au, detailing how their first holiday in 14 years rekindled some of the magic from when they first met.
“Work, kids and finances have provided reasons for us to not holiday as a couple,” she wrote after their romantic trip to the Gold Coast.
“It was a magic few days, we grew closer and I even sat on the beach and watched my man surf like I did when we first met.”
Since sharing her experience, Rusciano has been flooded with support on Facebook.
The 37-year-old thanked her fans for their “generous responses”, revealing she had a panic attack at the airport over publishing the column.
In the piece, Rusciano explained there was no one trigger for the couple’s six-month separation, believing they likely did not fix their relationship properly when they first became estranged three years ago.
This time, they decided to remain living in the same house with their two daughters. Barrow moved into the spare room and they tried to remain functional, but the couple write that they failed to pinpoint where the boundaries lay.
The result was a see-sawing between long periods of silence and being best friends. During this difficult stretch, Rusciano was also juggling the tour of her stand-up show.
Watch: Women share the moment they knew their partner was ‘the one’. (Post continues after video.)
“Pretending you’re OK when your insides are caving in from heartbreak is tricky work,” she wrote.
She eventually brought it up with Barrow, but the couple couldn’t make a final decision over whether they should divorce or muster up the energy to repair their marriage.
Rusciano said she felt confused because they were not volatile like she imagined divorcing couples should be. In the end, they agreed to carve their own version of a relationship.
A photo posted by e m r u s c i a n o (@emrusciano) on Jul 11, 2016 at 4:30pm PDT
Rusciano said she and Barrow each went away and worked on themselves as individuals, allowing themselves to have personal breakthroughs before learning to relate to one another in a new way.
She described how they’d previously each been treating their relationship selfishly.
“We were each drilling down on how we were being short-changed in the relationship, rather than what the other person needed,” she wrote.
Barrow said he was confident their bond would continue to improve and Rusciano pointed out they were working as a team for the first time.
On Instagram, the Try Hard author described Barrow as “the love of my life”.
Today husband and I wrote a column together about how we separated for the 2nd time earlier this year (yes I kept that on the down low) and how we put us back together again, again. It’s been a bloody tough 6 months, I went about working myself into the ground to try and cover up the gaping hole in my heart. That didn’t work out so well for anyone. Finally I stopped being a dickhead and addressed some serious issues, stuff I’d been carrying with me since I was little. We both worked on our own shit, away from each other and were able to have a few significant breakthroughs. He’s the love of my life, I guess we just need to take a break every now and then! You can read it over on my FB page, the most extraordinary thing though is the comments. Our story appears to be giving others hope, that’s all I want my writing to do.. Leave things a little better than how I found them. Thanks for all the support, Em. Xx
A photo posted by e m r u s c i a n o (@emrusciano) on Jul 26, 2016 at 1:37am PDT
“Long term intimate relationships are hard. Sometimes it is easier to walk away, sometimes you do just need a break for time and space, to go away and figure yourself out,” she wrote.
Rusciano’s post on Facebook drew more than 8400 likes, her story resonating with many of her fans.
One commenter wrote: “So awesome to see this from both perspectives. Thank you. Marriage is damn hard work, especially with children. Anyone that says it isn’t is lying/in another reality.”
“Love your honesty! After 24 years in a relationship I’ve also realised mindset is key to everything and not just for marriage but for life. Be gentle with each other that’s all that matters,” added another.
What’s the best piece of marriage advice you’ve heard?
You can read Em Rusciano and Scott Barrow’s article in full here.