The truth about Facebook profiles is there is no truth.
Girlfriends clinking champagne glasses at a long lunch. #BFF. Yeah, right. You know the middle girlfriend in the aviator sunglasses feels really guilty about what she did with kaftan girlfriend’s boyfriend when she was drunk at that l-o-n-g christening last September.
Happy families on ski trips all smiling and and waving their mugs of eggnog around and later you find out the 15-year-old son was expelled from school last year for selling drugs and the parents have to separate him from his little brother due to that unfortunate broken arm incident six months ago.
Work trip to New York. Conference papers artfully spread across King-sized hotel bed next to hotel slippers with a caption that talks about the excitement of the next five days, not the drugs that were needed to get on two "terrifying" long haul flights.
A recent study from the University of Oxford claims although you may have hundreds (in some cases thousands) of Facebook friends, only four care about you. The study found among the 14 'close' friends you have on Facebook, only four would be there for you in a time of crisis.
Once you understand what you share is who you are on Facebook and also - because you mostly never see any of your Facebook friends in the flesh anyway - who you are in real life, you can be a better, different, special, meaningful, brilliant person with just a bit of thought and the right type of shares.
That's great news for anyone whose feeling they're not living up to their potential. Reinvent yourself by the weekend.
You can be a caring, yoga loving, earth mother with a fierce recycling conscience even when you don't know your downward dog from dagwood dog and the closest you've come to earth mother is making the nanny bake organic granola bars.
You can be invested in the plight of whales and dolphins and anything oceanic because you know exactly what Greenpeace pic gallery to share, even though you left the lids to those plastic mineral water bottles at the beach last weekend.
You can be a better you - if you share right.
Here's how to start.
Fast lane it to being virtually virtuous.
You know who you want to be: a smart, witty, caring, big-hearted, creative, global citizen. So share and like content that makes you look like that. Even if you're not all over the complexities of the Zika virus, The New York Times are. Even if you didn't watch the whole video of icecaps melting (they really should have gotten to the point much faster, who has 2 minutes and 13 seconds?), share it.
Watch 10 Annoying Things Parents Do On Facebook below. Post continues after video.
Find a link to a doco about an obscure artist who never hit the big time. Creativity? Tick. Deep thinker? Tick. Tick. Even if you think plebiscite is a shopping site for tracksuits, incorporate the odd informed or witty political articles (clever cartoons that do both are are the Holy Grail) into the new Facebook you to flesh you out. Keep an eye out on virtuous friends. Share what they share.
Sign online petitions demanding radical change NOW.
Everyone will see that you have BECOME INVOLVED in something bigger than you. Sign it. It takes, like, twelve seconds and you are really adding your voice to any important social issue that comes up on your feed (it really is as good as turning up to a rally or protest and showing your support).
Post something self effacing.
You don't want people to think you're all world problems and being a good person. You want to be a better person, not a boring one. You want to show them you have a relaxed, funny side too. A selfie where you've spilt coffee on yourself (you can still use filters) and you're laughing, not pissed off. Or a pic of a really messy desk, or waking up with sleep wrinkles on the side of your face (you can still use filters). They will make you seem a bit fun and approachable after all that deep, intellectual, well-researched and argued political/social stuff from above. There's a lot to love about you on Facebook.
Click through the gallery below for some epic Facebook fails. Post continues after gallery.
Rework your profile
Giggy it up. Don't give everything away. Have some mystery. Delete information from every category (particularly relationships) and add to Places You've Lived. Maybe Amsterdam or Nairobi. Somewhere interesting or exotic.
So, now you've shown all your Facebook friends (and the world) you care, are smart, witty, mysterious and the kind of person who likes to get involved in community issues. You understand the power of creativity, are nuanced, have a social conscience, are a deep thinker and you are a productive citizen of the world.
All from the iPhone in your bedroom.