You love your partner – but is it enough?
Enough to sustain the speed bumps, the differences, the changes, the dirty dishes, the debt, the piles of bills, the in-laws, the temptation to cheat, the temptation to be alone, the temptation to blow it all up and move to Peru to start again?
Love is not always black and white. Especially when you throw careers, children, and disparate visions of what the future looks like in the mix.
How do some couples do it? How do they stick it out with the stead-fast belief that, no matter what obstacles are hurtled in their direction, they will make it through hand-in-hand?
That feeling you’ve found ‘your person’ cannot be distilled into a single thought, or moment in time. But what can is the opposite – the moments women stopped and thought, ‘this isn’t what I want’. When the realisation dawned on them that, no, this man or woman is not the person I want to live my life with. The clarity that they need to leave.
So, we asked the women of the Mamamia office, what was that moment for you?
1. Our ambitions didn’t sync up
For another Mamamia staffer, it dawned on her that she and her ex had to break up when the stark difference in their level of drive became apparent.
“I realised we weren’t supposed to settle down together when he still didn’t have a job because he was working on his ‘PhD’… the PHD that he never actually worked on.”
“From that moment I began to realise our life ambitions were worlds apart.”
Other women in the office agreed, one writing: “I felt like I had to push him to do everything, and it was exhausting. He had no motivation to aim high, and in the end I really felt more like a mother than I did his girlfriend.
“His lack of passion for anything extended beyond work, too. There was no spontaneity in our relationship. I grew sick of sitting on the couch and doing nothing all day, every day.”
Listen: Why are so many people consciously re-coupling? The Mamamia Out Loud team discuss. (Post continues…)
2. The first time I met his mother
“I was besotted with my ex, right up until the moment I met his mother,” one Mamamia staffer said.