'After 17 years with my husband, I enforced a rule that completely changed our sex life.'

I’ve been married for eight years, and with my partner for 17 years. We have three girls aged six, four and two. We’re both healthy and our sex life is pretty good considering what my vagina has been through and the lack of time to ourselves.

There is one thing however that I don’t find fair, though. Why does he get to orgasm and finish, but if I orgasm, I have to keep going?

What if I was allowed to jump on, orgasm, and then finish? Would it make me want to have more sex?

Because let’s be honest, he has been doing it for 17 years.

Now, I’ve heard of these mystical men who can orgasm and sustain an erection. My husband is not one of them. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is fantastic but one in four times I’m left feeling hot and bothered without climaxing as he has “come” early.

Let’s be clear – this has NEVER happened to him. There are times when I orgasm early, and what do we do? We keep going of course. My husband would suggest that physically, as a woman, I actually can keep going. I’d like to argue that this is not always true – that those beautiful hormones released during orgasm would much rather have me turn over and sleep immediately. It takes a hell of a lot of effort to continue to perform so that he can orgasm. But it’s never been spoken about.

So, I’ve made a proposal to my husband.

How about I finish after I orgasm, like him?

Porn star Madison Missina’s advice to couples in a rut and who fall into an orgasm routine. Post continues after audio.

I can see multiple benefits in this.

Firstly, it would make me want to have more sex. I’ll be making more of the moves when I’m keen, without the expectation of a romping session that could be interrupted by kids if it goes too long.


Secondly, he would pick up on my cues more. Let’s face it, orgasming together is the ultimate success in a shag. I believe if my husband knows that I’m done once I’ve orgasmed, he will perform accordingly.

My husband’s initial response to the concept was one of shock. You could see his brain processing the idea of having sex without the happy ending. I watched as he contemplated the fairness of having only one party completely satisfied while the other is left to sort themselves out. I had to smile as he faced me and could not argue the fact of fairness, realising that he had been doing this exact thing to me for over 17 years.

I then saw his excitement, yes, exactly the type you are thinking, at the realisation that this would mean we would be having more sex.

broken banjo string
Image: iStock.

So on a typical Saturday morning, with a quick trip to put Disney Junior on the telly (giving us at least eight minutes before the girls want something to eat or the channel changed) I had my first opportunity to trial my new sex life.

Whilst there was no real difference in anything we normally do, the sequence of events was slightly amended on his behalf to ensure success. Specifically, we changed to my favourite position once he was getting ‘close’ resulting in joint satisfaction!

This has happened a couple more times since, except for the one occasion that we stayed in his favourite position for a little too long.

I initially thought that perhaps he would just race for the orgasm so that he wasn’t left out. But it’s actually made him more empathetic and eager to please which is a fantastic result. I think perhaps he just always assumed that I didn’t mind that I was left hanging on a semi-regular basis. I guess he didn’t really know any better because I’d never complained. But since I’ve brought up the discussion of orgasm equality I am definitely seeing that he wants to please me as much as himself.

The feminist in me really wants to just have my way with him and leave him orgasm-less. But I realised it’s not about that in a marriage. It’s about love and compassion and genuinely wanting to please one another.

However, I can’t argue that I’m seriously turned on by the fact that I now have permission to orgasm and roll over for a sleep. I just don’t know if I’ll have the guts to do it though. So far, I haven’t needed to!

I’m really glad I had the discussion with him about this as it has definitely improved our sex life, just not in the way I thought it would.

Would you enforce this sex rule in the bedroom?