HOLY GUACAMOLE: Apparently 30-somethings should have double their salary saved.

HOLY AVOCADOS.

You might want to sit down for this one.

Especially if you’re 35 or fast-approaching your mid-30s.

OK… brace yourself.

Here we go…

Deep breaths…

You… you… should already have double your annual salary saved.

Yep, you read right.

According to the retirement experts from Boston-based investment firm Fidelity Investments, 35-year-olds should have double their annual salary saved.

Double… your… salary… saved.

I’ve run the numbers like a true mathematician and if you currently earn $75,000, you should have a cool $150,000 in the bank.

Also, these very fancy money experts say if you’re 30 and earning $60,000 you should already have half your salary saved.

That be $30,000.

So you should have $30,000 saved by the time you’re 30 and then at least $60,000 saved by the time you’re 35.

These anti-avocado penny pinchers shared their controversial advice in an article for MarketWatch.

“By 30, you should have a decent chunk of change saved for your future self, experts say — in fact, ideally your account would look like a year’s worth of salary,” the article read.

“Thirtieth birthdays are an excellent time to take stock of your future funds, especially as short-term financial obligations solidify, such as continuing to pay off the last of student loans, living on your own (or maybe starting a potentially three-decade stretch of mortgage payments) and raising children.

“Millennials, the generation 20s to mid-30-year-olds fit into, have delayed marriage and home ownership from happening in their 20s (as was the norm decades ago).”

Yeah.

The internet, of course, had a few things to say about it.

I can’t be only one who reads this & thinks “Who are they TALKING to?” I didn’t have that much saved in my 30s. No one I knew had that much saved their 30s & most of us were solid middle class. Is this advice only for the rich? If so, maybe start w/”95% of Americans can ignore.” https://t.co/HlTQM5sYGx

— Jeaniene Frost (@Jeaniene_Frost) May 15, 2018

By 35, you should have collected all the Chaos Emeralds and have half the Infinity Gems in your grasp, say retirement experts. https://t.co/IE3ZMN0PkK

— Andrien ???? E3 (@EscoBlades) May 15, 2018

by 35, you should have twice your body weight in babies blood saved to secure eternal youth, according to experts https://t.co/Ve4vCuHc5C

— Hazel Cills (@hazelcills) May 15, 2018

By 42, you should be able to lift thrice your own weight.

By 16, you should have written your first screenplay.

By 8, you should have your self portrait hanging in the Philadelphia museum of art. https://t.co/BtIYQkPQVD

— Anna Hughes (@AnnaGHughes) May 15, 2018

[turns pockets inside out; two moths fly out]

oh no my moths https://t.co/SpVs7AVfqO

— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) May 15, 2018

Irradiated wasteland bandits will have murdered me for meat long before I get the chance to retire, so the joke is on you “experts.”

— Mr. Tony Celery & the Infinite Sadness. (@tonycelery) May 15, 2018

We’ll be holding our avocados a lil’ bit closer tonight.