According to relationship expert Dr Nikki Goldstein it usually revolves around sex – how much we’re having, what we’re doing and whether we’re having and doing it ‘enough’. And the question she gets most often? “Is my sex life normal?”
“The most important thing to remember is that there is no such thing as normal when it comes to sex,” she says.
She believes too many of us think the frequency of sex is a validation of ourselves and our relationships. (Post continues after video.)
“We look at the success of relationship as how many times you’re getting it on in the bedroom but it’s better to look at why you have sex,” she explains.
“If the reasons for that are things like intimacy, connection and fun and pleasure then look at how you can achieve those in your own way, rather than thinking you need to be fitting into some mold that society has said.”
As for worrying about keeping passion alive, Dr Goldstein says that obsessing and dissecting a problem isn’t always the answer.
“Often as women we tend to obsess over things about what’s going on and why it is and sometimes I think we just need to go with the flow and also let our bodies do the reacting that it’s supposed to,” she says. (Post continues after gallery.)
The importance of doing what you want, not what you feel like you should be doing is also the focus of her new book #SingleButDating, which she wrote to empower women to go out, explore and make their own choices and decisions rather than changing themselves to “trap” a husband.
That said, she stresses the need to be informed.
“The world is our oyster – we can have casual sex, booty calls, we can have one night stands but I think it’s really important that we’re making those decisions from a confident self and a sound state of mind,” she says.
“You’re then able to look ahead and think ‘Is this the right choice for me?’ and ‘Is there going to be a negative consequence of this that I can’t deal with?’ and then you’re able to choose partners and dates and get into a relationship from a more healthy and fulfilling point of view.”
What modern dating lesson have you learnt?