Welcome to another edition of, "I want to google this but don't want to get pinged by the IT department at work."
This week we're plowing into exactly why lesbian sex has garnered such a reputation for being long, slow and semi-everlasting.
So media personality and entrepreneur, Sophie Cachia, and her sex columnist wing woman, Nadia Bokody, are about to share a lot of details.
So if you've been wondering what happens during all that time spent between the sheets, and whether this lengthy process bleeds into any other aspects of lesbian dating, you are certainly in the right place.
Let's dive in by starting at the end. Because that feels like a wildly illogical place to start.
...So when does lesbian sex end?
Nadia explains that, unlike sex involving a male, where ejaculation often marks the grand finale of the banging, lesbian sex has no defined ending.
"There's no end point," she says. "It can just go on and on, taking a snack break, stopping for discussion, thinking it's over and then, oh here we go again, having an orgasm, doing a wee, having a shower, having a second orgasm, talking starts again..."
The ill-defined ending means that the fun can sometimes never stop. All-nighters and long-weekenders are very much the norm for lesbian sex.
Sophie seconds this, admitting that, with the woman she's currently dating, they will have sex and then go to sleep, only for 10 minutes to pass before they're awake and ready to rumble again.
"There is just so much sex happening! Which can be a great thing, but also it can be a bad thing if you're trying to get a good night's sleep, because it can go on for so long."
But why does lesbian sex, specifically, last so long?
For Sophie, there's a simple answer to this conundrum: "Women love pleasuring their sexual partners."
"We love it. We want to do it time and time again. I want to hear her and I want to see her, and I could do just that for so f**king long."
For Nadia, it's all to do with how women are wired - and how long they need to shake off the mental load that's been weighing them down prior to hopping into bed.
"Women are more patient. I'm a woman, so I know that it's going to take you longer to relax and feel in your body, and get into a space where you can even get wet enough to make an orgasm possible."
"I'm like, 'Babe, if you need 20 minutes, 40 minutes, that's fine.' I get it, because I'm going to need that time too, so I'm happy to accommodate that."
Quickies still exist.
While lesbian sex has clearly been associated with lengthy sessions between the sheets, there is still a time and place for a quickie.
"For me, an orgasm is the greatest stress reliever," says Sophie. So she'll often turn to a quickie to get that rush of relief. Cashing in an orgasm can also stave off a brewing headache, adds Sophie, or send her off for a peaceful sleep.
But what does a quickie in the lesbian sex sense actually look like?
"With partners in the past, it might go something like this... I ask, 'I know you probably don't feel like sex but is it okay if we just lay down for a bit of a cuddle and I just use my vibrator for five minutes?' And so it might not classify as full-on sex, but you're still having that intimate moment and that stress release."
Turns out, lesbian dating lasts just as long.
Both Nadia and Sophie say that dating - yes, the simple act of going on a date with another woman - can last even longer than lesbian sex.
"I've been on a date for the past three months with someone, and it still hasn't ended!" Sophie laughed. And Nadia said her first date with her now-girlfriend lasted 48 hours.
"These stereotypes exist for a reason," Nadia states. "Sophie keeps saying that there's just much more intimacy between women - and that's not just talking about sex and physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy, too. We want to talk and connect. We want to spend more time when we feel that spark with someone."
Sophie admits that where she felt reserved in heterosexual dating - like asking a guy to go out for coffee after dinner or wanting to hug them but not wanting to seem "too keen" - all disappeared when she started dating women.
"That pressure is just gone when it's two women. It's like, 'Hey, I like you, I want to spend more time with you and I'm going to tell you that.' It's just what lesbians do. We're open, we're honest, we're emotional, we love connection."
Do you want to listen to Sophie Cachia talk more about this topic? Listen to this episode of HER with Sophie Cachia here.
Feature Image: Canva.
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