Do you believe in horoscopes?
If you answered yes, then I am about to do you a very, very big favour. Or possibly ruin your life.
You know those star signs you’ve read and relied upon for so long, those small sentences of hope you scan fervently each week, searching for a hint of light in a future shrouded in darkness?
Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they’re not real. Not even a little bit.
I know, because I used to write them.
Not all of them of course. Although, if you believe that being born under a ‘water’ sign makes you peaceful, calm and susceptible to custard you probably would believe that a single person is behind the almighty magic of Star Signs.
If you do believe that, then we have bigger fish to fry. When this is all over, let’s grab a coffee. I have some info on the Tooth Fairy that might interest you….
It all started in my final year of university when, as a starry eyed student desperate to be a news journalist, I would hang around the newsroom for hours after my work experience shift had ended.
Just in case the police scanner suddenly pinged to life and I’d be needed to help cover a breaking crime story.
If was during one of these late nights when, perched behind my makeshift desk in the corner, I watched the night editor storm out of his office and stride towards the chief sub-editors desk. Spewing forth words at the rapid fire rate that can only be achieved by a newspaper editor whose print deadline is approaching.
From his frustrated tirade, I quickly gathered that the woman who usually penned the star signs column for the paper had once again missed her deadline.
The editor practically stamped his feet in frustration as he peered wildly around the somewhat deserted newsroom, his eyes finally falling on my little corner.
“You know anything about star signs?” he bellowed across the room at me no doubt trying to remember my name, while refraining from calling me by my official newsroom moniker ‘tall intern.’
“Um, no. I mean, I’ve read them in the paper,” I answered. “But I don’t really follow them or anything…”
“You write them, then,” he barked. “Make them short. Make them upbeat. Don’t tell anyone they’re going to die. And do it fast.”
Horoscopes might be hog-wash, but what’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told (post continues after video):