Nick “Honey Badger” Cummins (and his glorious mustache) is only days away from being the 2018 Bachelor.
It’s going to go off like a frog in a sock.
In case you missed it, Honey Badger is a rugby union player with a larrikin sense of humour. He gave himself the nickname Honey Badger after he saw a honey badger fight off a lion in a wildlife documentary.
I named myself the Koala after I learnt they spend 75 per cent of their time lounging and eating eucalyptus leaves (the koala version of chips).
The Honey Badger likes to hang out on boats with his shirt off and one time he farted in a llama’s face.
Anyhoo, we really hope he’s going to bring his particular breed of (politically incorrect) humour to Australia’s best rose-getting competition.
These are all the classic Honey Badger sayings we hope he drops during his time in The Bachelor mansion:
1. During his introductory video, while he looks over the ocean and talks about how lonely he is, we hope he says: “He’s a pretty quick rooster alright. You don’t show him the sideline that’s for sure”… while talking about himself.
2. When he’s waiting on the red carpet to meet his bachelorettes, he’ll drop a “Sweatin’ like a gypsy with a mortgage, actually”.
3. During the first cocktail party he’ll describe himself as “Busier than a one armed bricklayer in Baghdad”.
4. On his first single date, we he’ll tell the special lady she’s “as tough as woodpecker lips”.
5. During a group date, he’ll tell the camera: “Last year we were all sizzle and no steak, but now we’re off like a bride’s nightie”.
6. When he goes on one of those elimination dates, he’ll tell the two women: “You get one opportunity. You balls it up and you are in strife”.
7. While on a single date, he’ll say: “That look on your face like someone asked me to clean the toilet and I was just bloody goin’ for gold”.
8. Before he introduces the final women to his family, he’ll exclaim: “I’m gonna have a truckload of pudding and uh, old mum’s good on the cook too so, dad’s got the tucker ready over there and mum and dad are gonna work together and form a massive feed and err, I’m gonna come in and dominate it”.
9. On the final dates he’ll say, “Mate we’re just more focused on treading softly and carrying a big stick” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
10. As he talks to Osher before handing out his final rose, he’ll tell him: “If I get a gig, I’m gonna go off like a cut snake”.
11. When rejecting the runner-up, he’ll explain: “When you come into this sort of game you’ve got to show the patience of the Dalai Lama initially in order to get that gig and when it comes round be ready to strike. Tonight unfortunately wasn’t the night for us”.
12. And finally, he’ll tell the girl of his dreams: “Holy tomorra. How good? Bloody, you beauty”.
Flamin’ heck, we can’t bloody wait.