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Real talk: Introducing your partner to your family is nothing like you see on The Bachelor.

Tonight, we come to one of the most important season milestones in The Bachelor.

After what feels like weeks of absolutely nothing happening, it’s finally time for the home visits – essentially, an opportunity for Matty J to meet the families of his four girlfriends and make some snap judgements about which ones he can deal with and which ones he most definitely cannot.

But before we buy into the frankly absurd narrative of four women who have beautiful family homes and parents who take their most recent romantic endeavour seriously, can we be straight up for a moment?

Because… no. 

This is not how real life works.

Having your partner meet your family for the first time is nothing like it is on The Bachelor. The house is never clean, your parents aren't all that interested, your dog is stressed and confused, there's one relative that goes rogue and makes you want to die, and there's always, ALWAYS, someone who's not wearing pants.

When my partner first met my family, my cousin Simon, who has an intellectual disability, happened to be over. Now, I love my cousin Simon. He is legitimately one of my best friends. But when you're introducing him to the guy you really like and are currently trying to impress - he can be a little intense.

So Simon is (obviously) waiting at the front door to greet/ambush any potential visitors. He's rubbing his hands together enthusiastically. Immediately when my partner arrives, Simon wants to know the following information: who are you, why are you here, what time did you start work, what time did you finish work, what do you do for work, what is your mums name, what does she do, where do you live, how long will you be here for, and SIMON SERIOUSLY LET HIM INSIDE PLS.

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My very favourite cousin at a musical (obviously). Image supplied.

My cousin, who I love so dearly, then tries to impress my partner with a lil talent that's definitely meant to stay within the family. He farts. Non-stop. Because farts are funny. In approximately every context other than during the early stages of a new relationship.

But the challenges didn't stop that evening.

Whenever my partner would visit my house, my dad would be wearing no pants for no clear reason, my siblings would be fighting, someone would be going to the toilet with the door open, and one time, a neighbour tried to steal our car WHILE WE WERE THERE.

We can... see you.
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Just last weekend, we had a party at my parents house for my Pop's 90th birthday, which I brought my partner to. My Pop's speech was interrupted by a stranger who thanked everyone for inviting her (you can't... you can't script this sh*t), and then that same woman passed out and we had to call an ambulance.

I just... family members aren't meant to impress your partner. They also don't really... care.

Speaking to a colleague about the often humiliating experience of introducing your partner to your family, I discovered an even greater story.

The first time her partner met her family, it was her brother's wedding. Her mother got drunk and sung 'Firework' by Katy Perry (great song) while both crying AND fist pumping.

Listen: On the latest episode of The Binge, Clare and Laura talk about all the Bachelor spoilers. Post continues after audio. 

Truthfully, the last seven years of my relationship have been painted with embarrassing family moments. There's the untimely family fights, the humiliating stories from my adolescence, the several requests from my mum that we help hang out the washing (mum... you invited us for lunch), and the complete disinterest from my brothers about anything to do with my life.

But here's the thing: If someone can meet my weird, pantless, fighting, farting family and come back again, I know they must be a pretty non-judgemental, down to earth person. They've been launched into the deep end, and they'll either sink or swim. But for Matty J, no amount of highly curated, edited-to-seem-tense conversations in a hired mansion with only the impressive members of his girlfriends' families will actually get him any closer to working out who they are.

Somehow I think the first family Christmas will be far more telling.

What's your home visit horror story? Tell us in the comments below. 

To catch up on The Bachelor recaps, read here

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