I don’t know the answer to this question. I’m hoping that you do because I received a most excellent Group Therapy email on this exact subject:
Nicole writes….
As its nearly Christmas I’m starting my Christmas shopping list for family and friends. I always ask relatives what their kids want and I ask them for a wish list. Specific. Brands, sizes, colours, makes, models. I want their kids to like their presents and I dont want to waste my time and money buying stuff they will think is crap.
My problem is this is never returned.
My kids always get crap. Stuff they hate. Toys that are for kids 3 years younger than they are. Clothes they will never wear. Or worse still clothes they love that I would never let them wear. I dont want my 7 year old daughter dressing like a hooker.
Can I say anything? Can I suggest or hint ? Or do I just leave it and keep stewing on it? Maybe I should stop asking them what they want ? Does this just happen to me ?
Nicole, if we were friends this would not happen to you because I would not give you any presents. Call us tight, call us lazy, call us scrooge but my friends and family and I have long had an understanding: no presents for adults among family and no presents for friends’ kids.
Our reasoning is this: Christmas shopping is a huge stress. We all have enough stress in our lives. And what do you get at the end of it REALLY? Some smelly candles and a bunch of other stuff you could so easily have lived without. Now we can also add The Environment as a reason for this policy. The world does not need more smelly candles in it. Consumerism be gone.
As for the kids, you can”t stop family from buying pressies for your kids. And you want to buy some for them too. it is CHRISTMAS after all. Not punishment.
But kids these days get SO MUCH STUFF. Stuff, stuff everywhere. And back to the stress and environment…..my friends and I all agreed a few years ago that our kids will be getting enough presents from relatives so we could skip it for each other’s kids.
Over to you, what do you suggest and how do you handle it?
Top Comments
I totally agree that kids get far too many gifts for Christmas. It's obscene. When my son was younger he would get a sack full of toys from Santa then one thing from his parents. This was plenty. But then my mother-in-law would give him a huge santa sack full of toys. Then not to be out done, her sister (my sons great aunt) would also buy him a santa sack full of toys. It was ridiculous, but no amount of arguing would change their minds that children should be spoilt at Christmas time. I personally think they were trying to buy his love.
These days I have stopped buying presents from the shops and I have started making hand made presents. There is nothing nicer than a hand made ornament from a dear relative or friend, to hang on the Christmas tree or a quilt to throw over your knees while you are watching television. I know not everybody has the time or talent to do this but it's something to think about.
We do the 'Wish List' thing in my Family - and EVERYONE has to do it - old and young. Usually we do separate lists, eg: one for Mum and her partner, one for my Dad and his partner, one for my brother and his girlfriend... we have a list of about 5 or 6 things with a mix of price ranges, but with most things around or under the $50 mark, otherwise it just gets out of hand. It really does work perfectly. Everyone gets what they want for a reasonable price, and there's still a semi amount of surprise as you wonder which things they've chosen to buy from your list.