politics

Attention: we finally know what was REALLY under Hillary Clinton's jacket, and it's not good.

Stop absolutely everything you are doing because NEWSFLASH! Hillary Clinton is not a human being. She is an evil, cheating robot lady.

You see, the Democratic candidate’s cocktail of lies spilled when TV viewers caught a glimpse of her leaning over during the first debate.

Image: Fox News.

See that? Near the lower left-hand corner?

Yep, I'm talking about that boxy, evil-looking bulge. That, dear reader friends, means life as you know it is about to capitulate.

Top secret true story: If you put your face right up to the screen, tilt your head at a sharp angle and roll your eyes really hard, you can see the shape of an Illuminati triangle appear followed by 67 dancing elves and the local librarian.

I know. It's terrifying.

If that wasn't scary enough, remember the fact that Hillary Clinton doesn't even LOOK presidential. (Translation: Hillary Clinton doesn't look like she's an orange rich man.)

How people think this woman can be president I have absolutely no idea. I mean, she's a woman. Have we all gone mad?

It's preposterous. It's ridiculous. It's negligent... kinda like letting a glorified reality TV host who has a penchant for pageants and the political knowledge of a sock become the leader of the free world.

Anyway.

Trump fans don't buy my whole 'dancing Illuminati elves theory' because my dumb ovaries keep making me think all woman-like and stoopid. So instead, I'll pass the literary microphone over to them:

It's a microphone pack coughing prevention machine AND an earpiece. Duh.

If you haven't heard of a 'cough prevention machine', you clearly didn't have the cough-free childhood Trump supporters had. God bless you, wizardly machines and your asthma-curing ways! How trained doctors have not heard of thee I will never know.

But let's not get bogged down by facts and truth.

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See that smaller, rectangle shape higher on Hillary's back?

Now THAT'S just her bra clasp the sneaky earpiece. I know it might seem weird that Clinton has an earpiece on her back... but... yeah.  That's where it is and that's what happened. Now stop asking questions and think about making America great again some more.

Obviously, 'Bikers 4 Trump' are the most significant, important group in US political history, so I highly advise we all take on board what they think and say.

Because who else would spout the flawless logic that even though #TrumpWon, Clinton totez cheated and NBC is responsible.

You know it makes (absolutely zero) sense.

So I'm just gonna leave this here...

Someone please wake me up when this nightmare ends.