real life

Help. Her husband does not want to touch her anymore.

There’s always so much written about men wanting more sex than they’re getting from their partners. But what about when it works the other way? Giselle* writes….


“I have an issue in my relationship that is starting to form massive cracks between my husband and I. We’ve been married for just under two years and have a beautiful 9-month-old son.

Before we were married, in the early days, we enjoyed regular sex – like once a day. We had plenty of moments of cuddles, kissing and general flirting. But over the past year things have changed.

These days, he rarely touches me. If he does hug or kiss me, it’s because I’ve asked him to. He never does it on his own accord. When I raise the subject, he says that he’s under a lot of pressure, that he’s stressed and very tired.

And the sex? Forget it. We haven’t done it in eight weeks, and the times that we have done it this year have been because I’ve asked for it.

In the early days I let that go because I was so busy with our young baby. I simply though it was a phase and things would change. But they haven’t.

I used to make an effort to sit with him on the couch and snuggle up to him at night or give him big hugs for no reason. But I’m over it now. I am sick of the rejection. I keep thinking, “What man doesn’t want to hold his own wife?”

I crave to be touched, yearn to be held. When I’m sick, I desperately want him to stroke my forehead. I’m crying out for love!

These days, I hop into bed and feel so cold and alone. I just want him to roll over and hug me. I often mention that he hasn’t touched me in days, and he says, “I’m so tired.” And rolls over. End of discussion.

I don’t know what else to do. I’ve written him letters, explaining how I feel, and have also spoken to counselors about my dilemma. I take care of myself and make an effort to look good for him. But nothing helps. I’ve even begun to think about leaving him. I don’t want to live the rest of my life with in a relationship without affection.

What’s normal for most people? Are you affectionate with your partner, and are they affectionate in return? And, would you hand around if your partner didn’t want to touch you any more?”