"Dear husband; Sorry, I'm not having sex with you. It's not you, it's me."

You know that phrase it’s not you it’s me? The one commonly used in breakups? Well, I’ve been using it a lot lately. No, I’m not getting a divorce. I’m not separating from my husband. I’m just not up for sex, so that’s what I’ve been telling my husband.

After growing and giving birth to two babies in the space of 18 months, my body has been through a lot. To hell and back, actually.

My ‘you-know-what’ has been in ruins. Twice. I’ve been seriously ill more times than I have fingers and toes to count. And now, I’m insanely busy and exhausted from solo parenting two kids aged two and under, as my other half works away a lot. Oh, and not to mention my own work.

The weirdest things we’ve ever heard in bed. Post continues below.

The thing is, sex hurts these days. It takes a LOT to work up to it. And, more often than not, I just don’t have the energy, headspace or time for all of that.

It doesn’t mean I love my husband any less. It’s the opposite, in fact. I love him more now than I did when we met. Seeing him be such a good dad to our little ones is a serious panty-dropper. If only I had the urge for that.

I just don’t have the hankering for it like I used to. I don’t want ‘the big D’ from anyone! Not even my Hollywood man-crush Channing Tatum does it for me anymore. Babies have knocked that out of me. Exhaustion is a huge libidod killer.

Not even Channing Tatum 'does it' for me. Image supplied.

I went shopping on the weekend sans kids for the first time ever. Completely solo. Ahhh, the luxury. My hubby suggested I buy underwear. Obviously he noticed I've still been wearing my maternity underwear even though I haven't breastfeed for months. It's just comfy, you know? It’s not that I don't make an effort for him. I still dress up on the odd occasion we get to go out. On the weekends I try to look decent (if he's around to take care of the kids so I actually have time to do things like blow dry my hair and put makeup on).


So what happened? I literally had no idea what to buy. After two years of being pregnant or breastfeeding, I was pretty damn happy in my Bonds. Confronted by a wall of lace, I had a panic attack. Where was the old me that used to live in Elle Macpherson lace?

I want us to get it back. Image via iStock.

But I'm determined that this should all be temporary. I want us to get it back. And the first step was buying that damn lacy underwear and banging it on for a quick selfie for the hubby. Because even as a mum we need to get a bit of 'the old us' back…it might just take a wile.

Hang in there, hubby. I love you more than ever.