entertainment

This is why everyone is talking about Gwyneth Paltrow's behind.

The dress that launched a thousand fashion blogs.

 

In recent weeks, it appears that Gwyneth Paltrow has become the new Anne Hathaway, who was in turn the new Angelina Jolie. (God help us – why do we know this stuff!?!)

What do we mean? Well – Gwyneth is now the new célèbre of hated celebrities.

Angelina Jolie once copped a ton of criticism in the gossip pages and in the public discourse. After all, she was the husband-stealing impossibly-lipped Sexiest Woman Alive, who also donated time and money to charities and worthy causes. Bi-a-tch, right?

And then the world paparazzi became a little annoyed by Anne Hathaway, because, well… she’s not Jennifer Lawrence. Hathaway doesn’t have the same sort of easy, likeable charm and that makes her – A MONSTER. AmIRight?

And now, it’s poor Gwynnie who can’t seem to do anything right.

Gwyneth’s most recent criticism is the result of an interesting (read: unfortunate) fashion choice at the premiere of Iron Man 3.  She wore an Antonio Berardi dress with white, navy and bottle green panels, that felt distinctly sci-fi (really, it was something that you would expect the avant-garde Tilda Swinton to be wearing).

But Gwyneth’s dress also featured a sheer panel up the side of her leg, which showed off her toned behind (the very same behind, which she has previously copped criticism for describing as the butt of a ‘22-year-old stripper’), and left the peering public in no doubt that the star had, ahem, gone commando.

The trend has been labeled as “side-butt” (like the recently popularised “side-boob”).

Gwyneth’s appearance is the most recent in a long line of red carpet outings for the celeb. Take a look:

In the Daily Mail, fashion columnist Liz Jones eviscerated Gwyneth’s outfit choice, writing “This has got to be the most vulgar, look-at-me, attention-seeking dress I have ever reviewed in over 30 years of writing about fashion.”

C’mon, Ms Jones. Surely your memory can do better than that. Liz Hurley once wore a dress held together by comically oversized safety pins.

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Jones continued:

Its space-age bodice and peculiar shade of bottle-green would normally be sufficient to offend, but the netted panel that stretches all the way up both sides rudely exposes the side of her bottom, proving — no doubt intentionally — that Paltrow is not only fearless, she is knickerless! M&S bosses must be wriggling in their boardrooms…

We’re in a whole new fashion area: the side bum. This new erogenous zone requires a dress that is a feat of engineering, held together with a mere diaphanous waft of transparency.

The dress is so exposing its wearer cannot possibly wear underwear, or even a pair of tights. It is the ultimate in fascist wear: there is, quite simply, nowhere left to hide.

Jones closed with the scathing cut, “As usual, Gwyneth is out to make the point that she is still buff, even at 40. But her desperation to impress is — as ever — exhausting to watch, unedifying in a woman her age, and just a little bit sad.”

The Daily Mail’s Liz Jones.

It is Liz Jones’ comments about Gwyneth’s lifestyle that gets to the bottom (teeheehee…) of the matter.

For the most part, people don’t seem to be criticising Gwyneth’s dress because they passionately despise bottle green on blondes – Gwyneth’s dress is being criticised because to some it seems a bit smug for her to be showing off her complete lack of cellulite on the red carpet, under the unforgiving light of the paparazzo’s flash bulbs.

The dress is being criticised because Gwyneth – or rather, the idea of Gwyneth – makes some of us feel just a little bit inadequate.

Because we don’t eat as wholesomely as she does, we are not able to ‘update our spring wardrobe’ with clothes that cost half a million dollars, and we certainly don’t do power yoga three times a day. Also, very few of us are married to rock stars. Godammit.

Not to be intimidated by fashion bloggers the world over, Gwyneth proved that the controversy didn’t phase her when she later appeared on Ellen DeGeneres’ talk show, and said candidly that she had “kind of a disaster” when she first put the dress on.

“Let’s just say everyone went scrambling for a razor… so I went from being the most beautiful [in reference to being named People magazine’s ‘most beautiful person’] to the most humiliated in one day.”

She then joked, “I work a 70s vibe. You know what I mean?”

You can watch the full interview below.

Of the dress, Paltrow said to E! News, “It is very see-through. But I just thought it was really beautiful. It sort of has a superhero thing happening.” Which, when you’re heading to the premier of a comic book flick, seems as good a reason as any to wear a dress.

Over to you – what do you think of Gwyneth Paltrow’s dress?