Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin did not break up. They did not split.
To use Gwyneth’s terminology, the marriage is over because they have chosen to consciously uncouple.
Our first thought when we heard the news this morning was ‘This is the most devastating celebrity break up since Brad and Jen’. Our second thought was ‘What the hell is conscious uncoupling?’
According to the 41-year-old actress, she and her husband, 37-year-old Coldplay singer Chris Martin, did this ‘conscious uncoupling’ so they can ‘coparent’ their two creatively named children, 9-year-old Apple and 7-year-old Moses.
Here’s the full statement Gwyneth posted on her website, Goop.com, this morning. The site crashed because too many people wanted to read it at once.
It needs to be translated for those of us who don’t speak fluent Celebrity, stay with me.
So what exactly is ‘conscious uncoupling’ and is it something we can use in our own normal-people lives?
Gwyneth got the idea from Dr Habib Sadeghi and Dr Sherry Sami, who shared an epic thesis on G.P.’s lifestyle website Goop. There’s a lot of high-brow celeb nonsense about taking our emotional cues from grasshoppers, the skeletons of anger we trap ourselves in, and our ‘psycho-spiritual spines’. But not to worry, I’ve sifted through Gwyneth’s thesis so you don’t have to. And brought back the bits that make sense.
Gwyneth and Co. suggest that we totally rethink the way we approach human relationships. The main point? We should prepare for three significant, long-term relationships per lifetime, rather than the conventional one. This is because we live so much longer than we used to, but we haven’t adjusted our expectations for the longevity of love accordingly.