My partner loves me very much. He does say so occasionally, but mostly his love is communicated through gestures.
He demonstrates his love through taking care of me when I am sick (read: hungover), being proud of my career and achievements, doing things he doesn’t enjoy without complaint, watching “Four Weddings”, driving me around to wherever I need to go and a million other little things.
He is loyal, intelligent, funny and my best friend.
But he doesn’t want children right now and can’t tell me whether or not he will change his mind in the future.
And he doesn’t really want to get married right now either and again he cannot say whether or not he can see it happening in the future.
This is a problem for me.
Now, I am only 27. I know have got heaps of time and I know I am thinking ahead. But that’s the kind of woman that I am, I think ahead.
I don’t want marriage and babies tomorrow. Or the next day. Or even next year!
I am happy to wait for the right time as long as I know we are on the same page, slowly heading in the same direction togther.
He knows I want these things. He also knows that if he said that marriage and children were off the cards completely, then I would have to leave the relationship.
So he doesn’t say “no” or “never”. He instead says “I don’t know”. This answer keeps me in a horrible limbo-land of indecision. Do I stay, hoping that my gut feeling he will change his mind is correct?
Or do I leave, move on and try and find another partner who has similar priorities?
We’ve been together almost 3 years and I think he is the one. I feel it. I KNOW it in my bones. And I believe in my heart that he loves me too.
But he is 35 and if he is not ready at 35, maybe he won’t be ready at 36 or 39 or 40. And then where will that leave me?
I am at a loss and don’t know what to do. I want to be evolved and say “love is enough and damn these stupid traditions and shut up biological clock”. But it isn’t enough and I can’t turn it off.
It’s a wonderful relationship and one I think could endure many hardships. But I don’t want to have to try and convince him to share his life with me. I don’t want to have to beg, fight and negotiate with him. I don’t want to be this person, the needy, passive-aggressive, hurt person this situation is turning me into.
I feel resentful and he feels pressured.
So now what?
Now it’s over to you: do you have any advice for this reader?