The Australian Formula One Grand Prix is on today and I’m here to talk about serious sports stuff. Because SPORTS.
Only joking. I wouldn’t do that to you.
If you’re anything like me, just the thought of watching a bunch of cars racing around a track for hours but never really getting anywhere is too much.
Serena Williams schools us in how not to apologise for your work on Mamamia Out Loud.
There’s too many cars, too many people, too many tyre changes, and way too many overpriced buckets of chips.
You’d rather curl up in a ball, watch Beaches on repeat, and serenade your dog, because he’s the real wind beneath your wings.
So I’ve put together a comprehensive list of all the things I’d rather be doing today, instead of yelling out words like ‘ooohhh, that was a close one’ and ‘cockpit’:
- Scooping up all the lint out of my dryer and making a lint man that I’ll name ‘Clyde’.
- Watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory.
- Calling up my high school maths teacher and asking him where I went wrong in my life.
- Going through the self service checkout with a whole trolley of fruit and veg.
- Listening to my mum recap the latest episode of Grace and Frankie.
- Standing under someone's armpit on a crowded train during a hot, humid day.
- Brushing Donald Trump's hair.
- Writing out a budget so I don't spend all of my money on indoor plants and Doritos.
- Looking at my face in one of those magnifying mirrors.
- Going bridesmaid dress shopping.
- Watching yet another episode of Married At First Sight. WHEN WILL IT END?
- Moving apartments.
- Waiting on hold for Telstra or Centrelink, or anywhere else that tells me that my call is important to them, but makes me listen to Michael Bolton while I wait.
- Forgetting where I parked my car at the local Westfield.
- Reading 50 Shades of Grey.
- Listening to an endless loop of Christopher Pyne talking.
- Building 5 Ikea bookshelves by myself.
Three Difficult Women on Mamamia Out Loud.
- Shopping for jeans. Or bikinis. Or just shopping IRL and not online, really.
- Cutting the hair out of my vacuum cleaner, making a merkin, and selling it at the local markets.
- Sitting in front of the mirror at the hairdressers wondering whether I've always been this ugly.
What would you rather be doing?
