This post is heavy on the satire and under no circumstances should you imagine that any of the people mentioned in the post actually said any of these things.
You have been warned.
By SCOTT LIMBRICK
Shortly after Prime Minister Kevin Rudd’s announcement that asylum seekers arriving by boat would no longer be processed or settled in Australia, the government unveiled a new advertising campaign targeted at undecided refugees.
“If you come here by boat without a visa you won’t be settled in Australia,” read the full-page advertisement featured in newspapers across the country on Saturday. An image of a boat helpfully reinforced the message.
Government representatives advised that this was just the beginning of a rollout of the campaign throughout Australia.
“This is only the first step,” claimed Department of Immigration and Citizenship communications manager Sandi Logan.
“We are also working on billboards in Western Sydney and bus stop ads in Queensland. This will ensure that asylum seekers across the Middle East and Asia are aware of the new change in rules.”
Immigration Minister Tony Burke agreed. “These ads are also an effective way of letting people smugglers know that their business model will simply not work.”
“Our communications officers are currently working on Facebook ads and we hope that those seeking asylum will assist in retweeting images to their families and friends. The message is clear, but needs to be shared.”
Mr Rudd clarified the communications strategy. “There is no question that humourous gifs will be the most effective method of promotion. However, it is important that we use an appropriate media mix, including traditional media, to ensure that we reach all audiences.”
A graphic designer contracted for the project, who declined to be named, indicated satisfaction with their work.
“My brief was to communicate clearly that asylum seekers arriving by boat will not be settled in Australia.”
“We used capital letters to really make the message hit home. I’m pretty happy with it, overall.”
When contacted for comment, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott claimed that the campaign would do nothing to stop the boats.