By ALISSA WARREN.
I was a professional at leaving parties, lunches, baby showers, dinners. Everything.
When I’d had enough, I left.
INTO THIN AIR.
Call it what you will. Ghosting. Phantom. Disappearing. Smoke-bombing. I was one of the best.
But I’ve stopped. Sort of.
When did we become so fearful of leaving? When did it become such a disaster to say good bye? When did we become so rude?
My smoke-bombing reached fever pitch last year. It was wedding season. Anyone and everyone was tying the knot. My weekly diet consisted of champagne, duck pancakes and “chicken or beef”. It was endless. And by the end of each ‘big day’ I just couldn’t face another conversation. I’d had not enough sleep and too much champagne. I became a professional bailer.
I was the opposite of a Wedding Crasher. I was a Wedding Ghoster.
I know I’m not alone. Ghosters are everywhere. Christmas Parties. Award Nights. Work Functions. Baby Showers. Yep, BABY SHOWERS.
It’s time to give the world’s most social awkward moment a few rules. A few … guidelines. It’s time to step up and own it. Because, for too long, smoke-bombing has owned us. There we are, committing a social sin in a cloud of smoke. Shamefully, awkwardly. Come out in to the open, friends. At least just a teeny bit. Stop the guilt.
Let’s be better at being bad.
You must say good bye to the host IF …
If there are less than ten people at the party, you can’t bail without a good bye. It’s obvious and it’s rude. If you’re doing it, stop. I know, I know. It’s so hard. Afterall, this is what you DO, right?
Last week, I went to a small party at a packed pub. One of our friends went to the bathroom and she never returned. I believe she’s living in the bathroom with all the other people who have gone there and never returned or she went home.
I know she got home because she stuck to this rule: