It’s about 12am and my phone lights up. I close my eyes. My phone lights up again at 12:01am. I open my eyes again to check and see who has messaged me on a work night. I’m thinking that something has happened, something more sinister than what I am about to read. I am flooded with more messages, essays and then shorter messages, one after the other.
I am shocked to read at this hour that this ‘friend’ is calling me names and asking “are you up”, as they are clearly wanting to talk.
I don’t reply, as each time they want to talk, it always happens to be when I'm sleeping or have just finished work and all I want to do is go home to my beloved couch and relax.
I ghosted that ‘friend.’ I was driven to extreme social lengths to please them, and there was only so much that I could be pushed.
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The bombardment of their messages made me feel like I could not escape them. It started off as banter, in messages and in person, and then grew to be too overwhelming.
I cannot be someone’s punching bag and stare at my phone all day replying to messages. I am past that stage in my life, and I do not need constant validation from someone - nor can I be dishing out constant validation.
This person would always call me a name as a joke, but it ended up being their way of putting me down and trying to control me. It all became too much. I remember sitting around with some friends one night, and this person kept messaging me, relentlessly. I spoke about it to the friend I was with, and that they told me to block them.
I decided against blocking the number, but to just ignore the messages. I felt like cutting someone out completely seemed too final. But just when I thought they got the hint, a message would arrive out of nowhere and I would literally flinch.