This has gone far enough.
Remember the days when you used to get a gelato with your mum on a hot day in Summer?
The joy was in licking the sides evenly before the melty bits reached your hands. Then at the end, the slightly squishy end of the cone would fill up with those last little drips of chocolate gelato and you’d chomp it off in one bite…
It was absolutely perfect, right?
Well, an Australian gelato franchise has just come right out and hipster-fied your old childhood favourite snack — and it doesn’t even involve a cone (or a little plastic cup) any more.
It’s not okay, people. And this newly evolved, too-hip-for-words dessert shows no sign of going away.
The new creation is called a gelato doughnut, and apparently the world is going absolutely nuts for it at the moment.
Internet headlines from around the globe are saying things like ‘the gelato doughnut is too beautiful for your eyes to see’ and ‘the gelato doughnut is the answer to so many questions you never knew you had’ and ‘gelato doughnuts are a thing and we want them all.’
Which is trendy internet-speak for saying that the gelato doughnut movement is really, really taking off and beloved by everybody.
Everybody, that is, except me.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m sure the gelato doughnut tastes better than, say, the tub of home brand vanilla stuff I have in my fridge.
And let it be noted that I have nothing against doughnuts, nor doughnuts with things inside them (the jam doughnut, let’s be clear, is an important culinary stand-alone wonder, not a hybrid food.)
But really, isn’t the gelato doughnut just the latest in a long line of uber-cool fusion desserts that every Instagram user under 35 becomes SO PSYCHED ABOUT (that’s internet-speak again for excitement, I think) for about two weeks?
And once the novelty wears off, don’t we always realise these hybrid foods are no better than the two individual items they are composed of?
Think about it.
What ever happened to Bruffins (brioche-muffins)?
Who ever sees a Cupcaron (cupcake-macaron) around anymore?
And don’t even get me started on the Cookie Cupcake, the Dausage (sausage-doughnut) or cake pops (who ever thought a cake on a stick would be a good idea?)
The gelato doughnut is probably pretty tasty, as is every dessert mash-up du jour. But let’s be honest: It can never really beat the classic goodness of a dessert that has already stood the test of time for generations.
So here, I’ll say it: It’s time to STOP THE HYBRID FOOD MADNESS, people.
Because you know what does really well with gelato?
A bloody gelato cone.
Tell me: Am I really the only person who’s a bit ‘meh’ about the whole concept of hybrid desserts?
GALLERY: Some other crazy hybrid foods: