Do not read until you’ve watched the episode.
OK… let’s start from the beginning, because that was one hell of an end. Lights up on Arya, washing another satisfied customer at the House of Black and White. But, as she said in the “previously on,” what do we do after we wash them? Arya desires upskilling, or at the very least, a cheeky peek… so she tries to sneak her way backstage. What are they doing back there? Reanimating corpses, à la Qyburn? Discussing embalming options with bereaved families? Weekend at Bernies-style shenanigans? We may never know.
Arya’s grumpy colleague bars her entry. It really seems like Arya can’t crack the code at this place. Say you’re no one – get a made up sob story. Say you’re Arya – get repeatedly whipped. What are the rules of this game? It’s sort of like Braavosi Calvinball from where I’m standing.
Later on Arya gets her first opportunity to upgrade from janitorial work to customer service. Slightly troubling is the fact that they seem to sell their voluntary euthanasia fountain water as a miracle cure. Jaqen likes her style though – that’s how to get through the corpse door! And behind the door is…
A giant warehouse of decraniated faces. So that’s the gig at the House of Black and White! Facial harvesting! I guess the Many Faced God is literally many faced. He just keeps them all in
And they all have to be dusted, and the tealights constantly relit. Oh janitor!
Tyrion and Jorah are continuing their road – or off-road, you can never be too careful about stone men – trip to Mereen. In an unfortunate display of awkward, Tyrion accidentally assumes that Jorah knows all about his dad’s death. Never assume, Tyrion, never assume. At least now they have something to bond over?
They’re now journeying on foot – side question: where’s Jorah’s armour? He’s just got that cheese grater thing on his arm. Did he throw it overboard? Why not bring it and his sword? Or did they swim away from the stone men? I guess they’d just sink. But still – find a weapon ASAP guys. You don’t want to-
… get attacked by slavers.
The award for Best Dialogue of the Episode goes to this scene, by far:
TYRION: How could he know, unless he sees the dwarf?
SLAVER MATE: It will be a dwarf sized cock.
TYRION: Guess again.
Also, “Cock Merchant” is my new favourite term of insult. But how about that? Tyrion’s massive penis has literally saved his life. And Jorah is destined for the fighting pits. Gee thanks for reopening those Dany. She even screws him over without even knowing it.