tv

Game of Thrones Recap: Will the Red Woman save Jon Snow?

It’s Game of Thrones history, my fellow GoT nerds.

Season six is the first season which doesn’t have a book to follow along. So, if you are a GoT TV only fan, then you no longer need to live in fear that your fellow fans, the “I’ve read all the GoT books” nerds, will spoil an unexpected death.

Everyone is in the same boat. Nobody knows who dies or who lives. Well, except the producers and maybe the cast and crew.

Before I proceed to recap the first episode, if you haven’t watched the show and intend to watch it, stop reading. I’m serious. Don’t keep reading and then complain that there are spoilers. Especially that final scene.

Only one thing is certain… everyone is hoping Jon Snow somehow didn’t die from multiple stab wounds. Dear producers and George RR Martin, you can kill all the characters… but please don’t kill the hot one.

The credits open. The second name that comes up in the list of actors…

Kit Harrington.

The credits open. The second name that comes up in the list of actors… (Image: HBO)

JON SNOW LIVES. He must right? He can’t be dead but the actor still be in the show. He must have survived. The hot one CANNOT die.

All our hope is squashed within the first five minutes. As Davos Seaworth and Snow’s friends discover him lying in his pool of blood, they take him to the room. Maybe he’s still breathing?

Nope, his friends close his eyes and Alliser Thorne justifies why he and everyone else killed Jon. Something about the wildlings and pillaging, but really, Thorne just added himself to the most hated list.

The Red Woman steps into the room where Snow lies. USE YOUR MAGIC LADY. Nope. Instead she pities herself for (she thinks) wrongly foreseeing Snow fighting in Winterfell. Well, if you use your little red power, then that could still happen.

ADVERTISEMENT

We leave the Wall and watch Ramsay Bolton (Sansa’s disgusting, raping husband) mourning the loss of Myranda. For a millisecond, we feel sorry for his loss. That is until he refuses her burial or cremation, instead offering her flesh to his dogs.

Bolton is quickly reminded that without Sansa, he cannot produce an heir and will be pushed out of the way for Lord of Winterfell if his father’s new wife gives birth to a son. Not happy.

For a millisecond, we feel sorry for his loss.  (Image: HBO) 

Okay, so know we go on the GoT rollercoaster of emotions. Run Sansa, run. Sansa Stark and Theon Greyjoy (formerly Reek, formerly Theon) cross a freezing river to escape the hunting party chasing them. Greyjoy (the guy we hated for not saving Stark) hides Stark and gives himself up to the hunting party (we love you Theon), but then they find her too. Com’on, can’t Sansa catch a break?

All is lost. There is no hope for that poor girl. I mean, it’s not like she has someone who was sworn to protect her. Brienne of Tarth, and little Podrick, kill all of the soldiers who’ve just found Stark and Greyjoy. Leaving one for Greyjoy to stab, because, you know, he did the right thing by saving Stark, so should at least get some opportunity to kill. Brienne is now Stark’s first knight.

Back in Kings Landing, Cersei Lannister clearly had the royal hairdresser tend to her locks because they look in much better shape than when the religious folks hacked at it. To her joy, a ship from Dorne has arrived. Her daughter, Myrcella is back, saved by her father and uncle Jaime (still gross).

Cersei finds her daughter covered in a gold cloth, dead from the Sand Snake’s poison.

ADVERTISEMENT

Cersei and Jaime don’t have sex like they did when their eldest son died which is nice of them. Instead, Cersei finally admits (in a roundabout way) that she’s mean, jealous and a monster.

Talking about being a monster, Queen Margaret it still sitting in a jail cell because of Cersei. The Queen begs for news on her brother (being held in jail because he’s a homosexual). We get nothing more but go to Dorne.

We see the Sand Snakes killing Prince Martell and his son Trystane. Women rule in Dorne. Clearly, they are the quota of main characters to die in this episode, which means Snow will live. Right?

Clearly, they are the quota of main characters to die in this episode, which means Snow will live. Right? (Image: HBO)

Over the narrow sea, Tyrion and Lord Varys are casually walking around mid-civil war Meereen (as you do) and we get a glimpse of the Lord of Light religion filling the void of Queen Daenerys. Daario Naharis (still the new one, not the first Daario who was so much hotter) and Jorah Mormont find the ring Daenerys left for them, so at least they figured out she was once on that patch of grass. Good job to them.

Queen Daenerys finds herself standing in front of Khal Moro while everyone is trying to figure out when they will get to rape her. To save herself, Daenerys tells the Khal of her title, which takes a full minute. He’s not phased. She then says she’s Khal Drogo’s (remember, the hot Dothraki that George RR Martin killed) wife. This Moro respects, but instead of offering to help her back to Meereen he plans to take her to Vaes Dothrak, the place where all widows of Khals live out their remaining days.

Not great news when she really wants to be on the Iron Throne.

Watch Emilia Clarke talking about Daenerys future as a widow:

Video via HBO
ADVERTISEMENT

We also see Arya, blind in Bravos, fighting the girl from the temple who gives her a beating and promises to be back the following day. Lovely person she is.

How much do we love Arya? (Image: HBO)

With five minutes left, we are back at the Wall. Okay, Red Woman, do your magic. After all, this episode is named after you. Alliser gives Devos and Snow’s friends a deal to live if they abandon Snow’s bedside – really, who cares about them? Com’on Red Woman.

She’s in her room. Staring into the flames. Awesome, she sees how to save Snow and stands up to go do it… nope. She gets naked – so far there have been no full frontal nude shots which is poor form by GoT standards. She takes off her necklace. She is no longer her. What? She’s old, and I mean really old. She looks like she’s dying. She walks over to her bed and pulls up the covers. You can’t die, you need to save Snow.

GoT Fan Rumour:
Fans are saying that the reveal of the Red Woman’s appearance (and age) shows how magically powerful she really is. Hell, if she can look young then surely she can raise Jon Snow from the dead? He still has his head on his shoulders, he still looks hot, it could be possible. Who else is going to kill the White Walkers?

Tags: celebrity , current-affairs , entertainment-tv
00:00 / ???