It’s the finale of The Great Australian Bakeoff and this means two very sad things. Firstly, only one woman will be crowned the best amateur baker in Australia, and secondly,the dessert porn will end.
I have deep, deep love for the remaining three bakers. Mostly, because #girlpower. But also, they are all so evenly matched that I can’t pick a favourite and nor do I want to.
Jasmin the British, Sian the Vogue of Baking and Suzie Glitterati Sparkles have ALL had star baker, they’ve all left the judges weak at the knees, they’ve all slayed the showstopper. None of them has at any point, plated up a Sara-Lee pudding and tried to pass it off as ‘homemade’ like SOME. They are all winners in my book.
FINAL SIGNATURE BAKE
OMFG It’s the VANILLA SLICE. YES. BAKEOFF GODS be leaving the best till last. Laminated puff pastry, custard, icing, all packed into an engorged square of heaven. The bakers throw everything at it. Jasmin is filling hers with Raspberry and Caramelized White Chocolate. Suzy Sparkles is doing a Vanilla Cheesecake and Passionfruit Jam one, and Sian isn’t doing a Vanilla Slice AT ALL, she’s Frenching this shit UP and making a Mille Feulle instead. #vogue
The caramelized white chocolate is a thing of absolute beauty. It’s the best thing I’ve ever seen done with white chocolate since the Top Deck. And just when I thought it couldn’t get better, Jasmin LICKS IT STRAIGHT OFF THE PAN.
“That’s one of the best flavours in the world.” says Matt Moran. He has his tux on and is ready to marry Jasmin any moment now and I’m WITH HIM.
Again, like in every show, we see these beautiful moments of comraderie that make me NEVER want this show to end. Suzie is struggling to finish. Sian, having finished her vogue covershoot with her vanilla slices already, yells out across the bakeoff shed “SPARKLES, do you need help?”
Jumps over there and helps this woman, her rival, complete the task.
The judges care not for sportsmanship points and are swift and harsh. Suzie’s Vanilla Slices are bursting at the seams which the judges deduct points for. They deem Jasmin’s Vanilla Slices too ‘rustic looking’. Which is a low blow, considering no one really LOOKS that hard at a Vanilla Slice, do they? Isn’t the point just to shove in gob?
And Sian’s Meille Fuelli with Mandarin Mandarin Curd and a Mandarin Jelly and Gold Leaf is without icing. The rules of Vanilla Slice stipulate it must have a beautiful shiny icing but Sian put icing sugar on top of hers instead, as the French would do. The judges are aghast. “I like the Australian Version” says Maggie, pointedly. Sian shrugs her shoulders because she’s like, ‘you know what? It’s the last show. YOLO’