ABOUT BLOODY TIME.
We’re stuffed around for so long, guys. We’ve had fancy patterns in cakes, itty bitty biscuits and fancy French choux. But as the 9 remaining bakers walk into the bakeoff shed tent, finally, they’re baking for STRAYAAAAAA.
Because it’s PIE WEEK.
Australians eat 270 million pies a year so I can’t BELIEVE it’s taken four weeks for the bakers to worship at the altar of this national dish. They’re given two hours to make six identical pies and no one even makes a Life of Pi joke, or even calls Matt Moran the Lord Of The Pies and I’m sad, because that’s a missed pun opportunity if ever I’ve seen one.
But, the bakers don’t disappoint. There are chicken, ham, bacon, pork, mushroom and beef pie, and they all need to get in my pie hole. Stat.
Early-frontrunner-and- easily-in-the-final-two-Jasmin is making a pork pie with a hidden quail egg in the middle. “How will you get the quail yolk to sit in the middle of the egg?” Says Maggie, while Jasmin looks at her blankly. “It’s a trick question.”
Here’s a trick question for YOU, Maggie. What’s the best thing to put in a pie? Your teeth. LOL.
But the GLARING oversight is the lack of tomato sauce. Comedian Mel Buttle does the rightful, honorable, AUSTRALIAN thing of questioning it. Buttle sidles up to Angela’s steaming hot country pies and fantasises about ripping the lid off and put a shitbomb of sauce in that thing.
BUT, to my SHOCK. Angela tells her that’s NOT the way to do things.
“It’s a bit bogan,” she says.