The latest theory about Frozen? It’s a homosexual conspiracy movie designed to influence your kids. Of course it is! Why didn’t we see that before?
The most important event of the year for parents is almost here. Next week, Frozen will be released on DVD, officially putting an end to the desperate whining of obsessed children across the country. Be prepared – you’re going to be hearing a lot of chatter about snowmen and ice palaces and reindeer and Letting It Go.
However, before the inevitable happens, there’s a very important, totally legitimate issue to consider: Frozen is a sinister piece of satanic propaganda that will turn your kids into gay, bestiality enthusiasts.
Yep – according to an American Christian pastor and radio host named Kevin Swanson, Elsa, Anna, Olaf and co. aren’t advocating the wholesome family values they appear to be. Cue EVIL LAUGHTER!
As RightWingWatch reports, Swanson took to the airwaves to issue his dire warning.
"How many children are taken into these things and how many Christians are taking their kids off to see the movie Frozen, produced by an organisation that is probably one of the most pro-homosexual organisations in the country?" he wondered aloud on Religious Right Watch.
"If I was the Devil, what would I do to really foul up an entire social system and do something really, really, really evil to 5- and 6- and 7-year-olds in Christian families around America? ... I would buy Disney. If I was the Devil, I would buy Disney in 1984, that’s what I would have done."
So it's not just Frozen, then. If the devil did indeed infiltrate Disney in 1984, that makes Belle, Ariel, Simba, Woody, Mulan and Rapunzel spawn of Satan too. Snow White and Alice in Wonderland, you guys are in the clear.
Swanson (pictured right), who insists he's not a "tinfoil hat conspiratorialist", is concerned parents are blind to the scientifically proven* causal link between watching Disney movies and catching The Gay. They probably also don't realise their children are Satan-worshippers, either. (*not scientific at all)
"I wonder if people are thinking: 'You know I think this cute little movie is going to indoctrinate my 5-year-old to be a lesbian or treat homosexuality or bestiality in a light sort of way.' I wonder if the average parent going to see Frozen is thinking that way," he ponders. "I think for the most part they’re oblivious. Maybe they do pick up on pieces of it but they just don’t get up and walk out."
Gosh, and here we were thinking the fact Elsa's wrists are bigger than her eyes was the biggest issue in the film. How naive we were.
Although Swanson's take on the issue is
ridiculous extreme, he's not alone in observing that Frozen could be interpreted as a film with a pro-equality (NOT satanic indoctrination) theme. Many have suggested Elsa's struggle to accept and be proud of her powers, articulated nicely when she sings 'Let It Go', reflects the experience of coming out. Elsewhere it's been noted that Oaken, the owner of Wandering Oaken's Trading Post, is possibly in a gay relationship. This is indicated when he briefly waves to his "family" in the sauna - a man and four children.