Single these holidays?
Chances are you’ll head to a friend’s house for company and their take on why you can’t find lasting love.
Friends know best, right?
While great friends are indisputably brilliant sounding boards for relationship choices, seeking advice too early can actually sabotage relationships and ruin what could have been.
The more often we get it wrong in love, the earlier we tend to introduce a potential partner to our friends.
We don’t trust our own judgment anymore but we do trust theirs, so drag them along to the pub for a once-over on date two or three.
But while the reasons for wanting friend’s approval are justified, timing is everything.
There are some compelling arguments to holding off introducing that great new boyfriend or girlfriend for at least a few months.
1. You need time to make up your own mind first
Anyone who’s been in love - and had their heart broken - is well aware it’s near impossible to see things clearly at the loved-up start.
It seemed perfectly plausible at the time for him to only want to see you during the week and never on the weekend.
When you find out he’s married and look back, you realise the signs were there but you didn’t seem them because you saw what you wanted to see, rather than what was there.
This is the prime reason why we do parade new lovers in front of people who care about us - to get a second opinion.
But second opinion’s are only useful if you’ve had the chance to form your own.
It’s a very, very good idea to listen hard to your friend’s opinions of a new partner a few months in, then weigh up the evidence, use your judgement and make a call.
It’s quite another to let them make up your mind for you.
Their opinion can make you focus negatively on things that worry them, not you.
2. Couples need time to smooth out the rough bits
Some couples meet and fit seamlessly together.
Most met and mould but need to rub along together for a bit to smooth out the rough spots.
It’s called getting to know each other: you need time to figure our each other’s communication styles and past influences.