I listen to her. And I know she is excited and happy. That she definitely thinks she is making the right decision.
I hope, at least, there is a small voice in the back of her head filled with doubt. A voice that she’s just ignoring. Doing her best to squash it with all the “won’t it be amazing”, “it’s going to be so good”, “this is the right thing to do” empty phrases.
She thinks moving overseas, going on an adventure, revisiting their backpacking roots, will solve all her problems with her partner. That, someone who has refused to commit to her for seven years, suddenly will with the change of hemisphere. That this someone who cannot, or will not, give her what she wants will change his priorities, his whole mindset, during an overseas adventure. And that travelling together is going to close all their differences. Make him a different person.
It will not. I can see that. I have been able to see that for years.
I want to scream at her. To shake her. To make her see what is really going on.
But, my suggestions and questions and gentle reminders of all the times he’s failed her in the past fall on closed ears. She will not listen.
It’s the same anguish that has been felt by girlfriends for eternity. You know they are making a mistake. You can see what’s going to happen. It’s predictable. If it happens on repeat, it gets boring.
So when you know a friend is making a mistake, how do you tell them?
Friends in the office have been in the same situation and this is their softly softly, or not-so softly softly approach.
I say things straight up. “I’m saying this because I love you and you know I don’t f**k around.”
I suggested they see a professional.
I feel like people only learn things the hard way, so assuming they’re not hurting anyone else/being hurt, I just remind them on the regular that I’m here if they need anything and always visit with food and cuddles.
I feel like being physically around is really important when someone is making questionable life choices.