Could you handle another woman sleeping with your husband? Meet the mum who truly believes that opening up our relationships could stop divorce rates in their tracks.
I believe that some people are naturally not monogamous. It’s like a bell curve. You’ve got the extremes, and then every other person lands in different places.
There are some people that are absolutely suited to monogamy. They need consistency and routine, but there are a bunch of people that need variety.
They can love more than one person at a time. But our arrangement is that my husband is my primary lover.
There is not one box that all of us can fit into. A lot of society in terms of religion and the media, push the idea that monogamy is the only option. It creates a struggle for some people.
When I got into this relationship, I said, "I’m not going to be who you want me to be, I’m going to be who I want to be".
I’ve been married once before and one of the things that I wish I had done was been myself more. I completely lost who I was because I picked up all of his interests and hobbies.
When Kerry and I first got together, I said to him, "I’m a flirtatious, social kind of person and I want to be able to be that person. If you can’t handle that, then there’s going to be an issue."
And he was relieved, because he was exactly the same.
Both of us in our previous relationships had very jealous partners, and we’d shut that part of us down because we didn’t want to cause pain to our partners.
But in doing that, the second you start to repress or hide who you are, a part of you dies.Because we were so open and honest in those first few weeks of dating, when the opportunity [to see other people] came up, it was easier to have that conversation and explore the idea.
But it was still a very hard question to put out there. It was me that wanted to open up our relationship. Initially Kerry wasn’t 100 per cent comfortable with it.
I was away at a personal development workshop and I felt a real attraction to one of the other people I was in the group with.
I said, "I’d really love us to talk about opening up our relationship because I’d like to be able to experience these things, and I’d like you to be able to experience them too".
We sat down and said, "How are we going to do this?"
We’re only human. We had all the usual fears.
We discussed boundaries and we would do a little debrief after each experience — to share what we liked and what we didn’t like and to be able to discuss that further so that both of us were comfortable.
Clearly an open relationship requires a bit more emotional intelligence for it to be a success. It really does hinge on how good you are at communicating.If one of us is feeling not right about something, then it’s up to us to bring it up and talk about it. You have to speak up if you’re not feeling comfortable.
When impromptu opportunities come up, we just say, "Hey babe, I’d really love to do this. It this OK?"